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Hey guys, I really need some help with a problem that's been going on for 7 months and I honestly feel trapped and I feel like I can't come to terms with what I should do to fix this mess. I'm so sorry if it's long, but please bear with me. I really need help.
To give context, there is this friend that I've had during the entirety for these 7 months. I'm a junior in high school and my friend was an incoming freshman who had heard about my school. She became interested in my school because she found out that the school had a fencing club. My brother was friends with her at the time and I was a part of such said fencing club. My brother knew this and told her about it, which piqued her interest. Keep in mind that she only came to the school for the fencing club and nothing else. My school is a dual credit school, so there's a huge workload placed on the students since they have to work for certifications, an Associate's Degree, and a high school diploma by the time they graduate. Because of this, my friend is currently having a mental breakdown since she can't fence anymore because of the bad grades she was getting. Not only that, but she had been skipping class to supposedly "finish her work". She also began to show interest in music writing and parkour since she was the type of person to always want to try new things at a fast pace. She was planning to go to a fine arts school far from home where she could start her music career. She would often practice during her free time and not leave any room for the loads of homework she had. This resulted in her parents getting called to the office because she had been getting bad grades and skipping class. At this rate, she was going through a lot in her life.
Now that we have the context cleared up, let's get into the actual meat of the story. At this point, she was tired, sad, and overall really stressed. One day, I saw her walking to her class in the morning and she looked really drained and angry. I waved at her to say "hi", but she ignored me. I thought I would leave her alone for a bit since she didn't seem like she wanted to talk. However, she came back to me and asked me if I could walk her to the gym. It was getting really late and I needed to get to my class before they counted me tardy. I didn't want to miss out on class since my attendance was starting to get worse due to miscommunications with the Attendance Clerk at school, so I didn't want any more absences. However, my friend kept pleading me to skip with her, even though I didn't want to. I saw the drained look in her face and finally gave in. Even though I wanted to get to class, I felt like I was being a bad friend for not being there for my friend.
I was very reluctant to skipping class since I had never done it before (I always did my best to have a good attendance record so I'd reflect good academic behavior). My friend started telling me about how she wants to leave the school and how she wasn't going to try anymore. That wouldn't be possible since my school generally doesn't let anyone leave until the semester is over. I told her to at least push a little harder and hold on until all of this is over. I hoped I could reassure her and comfort her, but all she kept saying was "I guess" in an apathetic manner. I was feeling really frustrated that I wasn't helping help my friend as much as I wanted to, so I kept trying to comfort her. It was frustrating for me that she can do so much better and that she can hold on for a bit longer if she could, but she just didn't want to try anymore. I knew she was better than this, and it frustrated me that she won't try. It felt like I wasn't helping at all.
It soon got heated when I kept telling that I believe she could hold on for just a bit longer. I tried to convince that if she held on, then she would be able to show her parents that she's trying her best and that that would be enough to convince her parents to go to a fine arts school far away.
This was when I felt like I saw a major red flag with my friend as we were talking.
After I had said that to her, she told me that she didn't have to do that. She started to tell me that her parents wouldn't really get mad with her if she just stopped caring about school. She explained that if her parents tried to punish her by, for example, taking away her phone, all she had to do was not care and her parents would give her phone back to her. She told me that she knows how her parents work and by knowing so, she is able to get what she wants and when she wants it. If that's not a red flag, then I don't know what is. She then started saying how she knew how everyone works too and she's able to get what she wants through them too.
At this point, she was starting to seem like a really controlling and manipulative person. I've noticed that her parents were mostly lenient with letting her do whatever she wants to pursue whether if it was realistic or not. The only exception was that she couldn't use social media and she couldn't do anything too promiscuous like becoming a stripper (if she lied and controlled her parents enough, however, then she could probably pull it off). She started telling me that she was in control and that she could do whatever she wants. I was feeling really uncomfortable when she said that and made me worry. She even started bragging how she was very athletic, strong, and good at every sport. While it's true that she does exercise a lot and actually has a nice body shape, she can't just be controlling people like that. She can't just go out into the world and think she can control anyone.
She then started talking about my behaviors and started exposing me. She kept saying that she can see that I'm always trying to help her and that I thought she was crazy. She was talking as if she had me all figured out, which wasn't true. She told me that she absolutely knew me and how I worked. I never even told her everything I would normally tell a best friend. She assumed that she had all the power in the relationship and that I was just some worried and pitiful person over their friend. It angered me that she thought she knew everything and that she could use that control how I feel and when she could use that to make me give her attention, kind of like what I was doing at the moment. I grew up knowing that you can't always get what you want, so seeing her think this way angered me and saddened me. I knew that if she approached her music career like that, it wouldn't be successful, and I wanted to see her succeed. She herself had even admitted that she was a manipulative and controlling person.
That really had me thinking. I then thought of the times when I helped her with things. Most of the time, whenever she needed help, it would be at the most inconvenient times. For example, she wanted me to stay a bit more with her to practice dancing after a fencing club meeting even though my brother wanted to leave already. My mom didn't feel like picking us up at different times, so that posed to be a problem for us. She would then act all pouty if I didn't do what she wanted. She would sometimes also say things like "and I thought you were my best friend", which made me feel bad and made me feel as if I were a terrible friend if I didn't comply with what she wanted. I would always need to do something important and my friend would just come up to me and ask me for help at my busiest moments. I didn't want to tell her no, so I complied with whatever she wanted.
That's when the question came up to me, "am I being manipulated?"
A part of me wants to keep being of assistance to my friend whenever she needs it, but then I realize that she might be manipulating me that way. She knows that I feel bad every time I start to protest a little when I can't help her, which she uses to her advantage by making me feel guilty so that I can help her. It angers me that I may be being manipulated since I have been treated like that in the past and I would not like for that to happen again. I also want to help her get rid of her manipulativeness so she can be a better person and succeed, but it's so hard. Then again, it makes me feel angry because it feels like she's manipulating me again by caring so much about her.
As I said, I want to help her, but I can't live with the fact that she might be manipulating me in the process as I'm trying to help her. I feel like I'm falling into her trap and I want to get out before it gets worse.
Long story short, she made me 50 minutes late into my class and I had to lie to the teacher as to why I was so late. Because I mostly skipped class with my friend, I now have more work than ever to complete because I missed that one class day.
How do I overcome these types of people? What's the right thing to do in these situations? I don't want to hurt her but I don't want to be manipulated. I don't know what to do.
