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snowdogg
189 M Embraced 1
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts26 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes13 Current upvotes13 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2022 Member sinceJune 20, 2022
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Unique Self Harm
Self-Harm Recovery / by snowdogg
Last post
 December 23rd, 2024
...See more I’ve been trolling this planet for a good 45 years. Thirty-eight of them have been filled with chronic pain- migraines. Because my battle has been difficult, I have at times denied my condition to enjoy life, knowing I am going to trigger debilitating pain later. This pain lasts for several hours to days. Afterward, I am usually in a f og,and I am depressed because I am recovering from such pain. I know part of my ignorance is out of spite and anger- I want to enjoy what other people do and what I want to do. At times the pain is a reminder that I hit my limits, verifying my worthiness for the cause. Other times it feels depressing because I know I am fragile. I juggle with these two paths when I say, “fuck it” I don't care about the migraine. I don't want to be in pain. I am fully aware I had more than my share. I don’t think putting myself in pain is always a bad thing just a choice to live life. But I don’t want to lose time from these choices. Time fhat cam be productive and pain free but less meaningful. While my injury isnt permanent my condidtion is permanent. I will never be free of pain (yes I tried many things). I feel that it is worse because such choices will always and forever will be split on pain. That alone drives me mad.
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