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solitarysoul0306
1 2,297 M Hopeful Heart 4
PathStep 13 Compassion hearts204 Forum posts23 Forum upvotes78 Current upvotes78 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2024 Member sinceAugust 1, 2021
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Lonely without him
35 & Over Community / by solitarysoul0306
Last post
 November 3rd, 2024
...See more I'm in my early 40s, single, successful, independent working woman. I live with my parents. They're supportive of every decision I make and whatever I do. In life, I have nothing to complain except for my 'Love Life' :( I've never found myself getting involved in a relationship. During my student years, I noticed how some boys would lie and break trust in relationships, and that led me to decide not to pursue one. I've turned down countless boys who approached me. Some of them have had good intentions but I never felt the spark. Five years ago, I fell in love with a married man who is now the love of my life. (I never intended to get involved with a married man but he reached out and made me fall for him. He loves me genuinely and I know it by heart.) He has a family. His wife and kids, whom he loves deeply, are always his top priority. However, my love for him is so strong that I've chosen to stay in this unconventional relationship, even though I often feel out of place. But, we are both trying to make it work. I have no regrets for falling for him out of no where at this age. I know he is the one I've always always waiting for. He's everything a man should be. However, the emotional baggage that comes with being involved with a married man is subconsciously creating resentment within me, leading to years of emotional pain that I’ve been carrying alone. He is such a great partner, he cares for me in every possible way. He makes an effort to be there and share in my feelings, but I've never been able to communicate this pain to him effectively. Whenever I attempt to discuss it, I’m overwhelmed by a storm of anger and resentment. His ignorance regarding my wishes and the pain I feel about this issue breaks my heart. Two weeks ago, these feelings once again overwhelmed me, and I couldn’t bear the pain I’ve been carrying alone for years. I decided to break up with him and walked away. He hasn’t even reached out to me in the past two weeks, leaving me to walk away. I feel so helpless, so alone, and so empty without him. It’s heart-wrenching. I feel like my heart will explode out of my chest. For the past two weeks, I haven’t stopped shedding tears for a single day. The pain of losing him is so intense that it feels physical; I’m experiencing chest pain, my nerves feel blocked, and sometimes I struggle to breathe. But this time, I can't find the courage to go back. I don’t know what to do or how to cope. Can anyone help me pease ?
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