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spicedchailatte2022
143 M Embraced 1
PathStep 8 Compassion hearts25 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes17 Current upvotes17 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2024 Member sinceApril 25, 2022
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DID and deep seated anger issues
Personality Disorders Support / by spicedchailatte2022
Last post
 March 19th, 2024
...See more I have dissociative amnesia, dissociative Identity disorder, and very deep rooted anger issues from my childhood trauma. I was starting to make progress...so I thought...in getting my alters to cooperate and help me stay stable (primary fronting identity identifies as female, 49, goes by K) and several others collectively known as the K system were keeping the others in check but today I had a setback. I woke up to my alarm at 4:15 and usually I can wake up ony own. I was groggy, half here and half elsewhere (semi-conscious). and had a co-conscious alter along for the ride ( negative female alter goes by K8). She is always putting me down or just nasty. I lost my temper and screamed at her to shut up. My anger was white hot and I was tired of her. Now she's leaving me be but she may be back. Anyone else yell at their negative alters?
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Constant panic attack
Anxiety Support / by spicedchailatte2022
Last post
 December 1st, 2022
...See more Every morning I have to fight with myself and my panic attacks and anxiety. It's centered around my work at the moment and I know my triggers. Unfortunately I have no choice but to go because it's a good paying job and if I don't work, I don't have health insurance and can't pay my bills. It starts in the pit of my stomach and makes my breathing difficult and then like an elephant sat on my chest. I go into fight or flight mode but can do nothing to come out of it until it passes. The whole time my brain is on autopilot and is programmed to get in the car and drive to work. It's the worst feeling in the world right now. I hate it.
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Early trauma, childhood abuse of several kinds
7 Cups Online Therapy / by spicedchailatte2022
Last post
 May 3rd, 2022
...See more TRIGGER WARNING...I preface my post with the warning for those who don't want to read what I'm about to write. I was physically and SA from infancy until I was a toddler. I don't have memories of the SA but I remember the physical because it lasted longer. I won't go into much detail other than to say I still have scars both physically and emotionally. I've had the hardest time dealing with negative thinking, anger, fear, anxiety, night terrors, and much more. I'm in my 40s now and abuser is dead. He died 9 years ago but I still find myself afraid of men. I used to not be but recently I think I've been remembering more and it triggered a sudden aversion to being touched or having my personal space invaded. I work at a really large warehouse where there are a lot of men and some mornings when I wake up to get ready for work I almost break down in a panic attack at the thought of going. I guess I'm here to find a support group of similar people I can talk to because therapy is too expensive.
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