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stephc92
20,461 M Progress Road 9
PathStep 63 Compassion hearts135 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2020 Member sinceJuly 27, 2015
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Am I the problem?
Relationship Stress / by stephc92
Last post
 August 26th, 2019
...See more Recently lost someone I had been friends with for 8 years now and Im hurt and confused. He has been my only friend for all these years due to me not being able to socialize much because of my depression and anxiety. I often shut down and avoid people maybe because its easier for me I dont know but thats a whole different topic Anyways we have been arguing over the same thing now for a while and we finally decided its probably best if we no longer talk to each other since its causing us both stress He thinks Im at fault for everything and I think maybe we both are and so thats why Im confused Mostly all of our arguments are over some of the things he says and how he makes me feel I tried explaining to him that he puts me down a lot but he says Im overreacting and ruining his vibe (his words) I started to notice that whenever we talked about something going on with me he would insult me and then play it off as sarcasm or him just joking around A little example The other day I reached out to him because I was having a rough day. I had to leave my house to go to an event and it was causing me a lot of anxiety I texted him telling him how much I hated going out and that I wished I was a turtle so I could hide in my shell and avoid everyone.... He proceeded to laugh at me and say that maybe people hated me but then he said he was just joking Thing is whenever Im serious about something and Im not in the mood to joke around he doesnt seem to care and he makes inappropriate comments that no one wants to hear when they are already upset And he makes those comments a lot Just little negative remarks here and there like if Im doing something hell use words like that sucks or lame or if I want to talk about something that interests me hell show little to no interest and will say something negative about it but then hell start talking about himself or something hes doing and hell go on and on which I dont mind at all. I just wish we could both talk freely and listen to one another and show interest in whatever it is we are talking about instead of it just being a one sided thing In his mind hes never wrong Im always the problem even though he has said some pretty mean things that have been the cause of our arguments. He expects me to just take it and not say anything and if I do Im the one thats wrong because according to him he was just joking I just think that you cant go around saying hurtful things and then when someone calls you out you say oh well that sounds like its your problem because I was only being sarcastic I just wish hed understand how hurtful his words are sometimes Another example.. a while ago I was having a breakdown I was in a very dark place and I was thinking about self harming I immediately reached out to him because my own thoughts where starting to scare me. I told him how I was feeling and what I was thinking about doing and he responded by laughing at me and told me I was tripping and that I should chill because just the day before I was eating pizza and I was fine like somehow that has anything to do with how I was feeling in that moment. He also said he didnt believe in depression and that I was just overreacting That day I told him I was done with him and just couldnt be friends with him anymore and of course he blamed it on me and said I was at fault of everything and that I was the one being negative and problematic We didnt talk for a while but then he reached out and apologized and I forgave him but then it started all over again Him acting the same way and saying mean things then masking them as just jokes and sarcasm Crazy thing is I somehow feel at fault for all of this? I started doubting myself and thinking that maybe he is right that I am the problem It scares me to think that I might not be a good person and that Im the one thats toxic Should what he says not affect me the way it does? Should I just laugh things off and not overreact? I texted him and apologized for how I might have made him feel and if I was being unreasonable I explained to him where I was coming from and why I was hurt. I told him I didnt feel right being angry with each other and that if we were not going to be friends anymore we should at least end the friendship on a good note He responded saying I was wrong for everything and that he was tired of the stress I was causing him and that his reasoning for saying those things to me was because he didnt know I was being serious and he thought I too was joking. He also said he didnt want to talk to me anymore.... I feel hurt Ive been upset and just confused since that happened and I dont know how to move on from it. If any one here can help me out, give me advice or anything Id really appreciate it Also sorry for the long post I hope its not confusing
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