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sunflowerStorm1021
322 M Embraced 3
PathStep 24 Compassion hearts18 Forum posts15 Forum upvotes28 Current upvotes28 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2021 Member sinceFebruary 16, 2021
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Identity issues
Personality Disorders Support / by sunflowerStorm1021
Last post
 February 21st, 2021
...See more I know an unstable sense of identity is part of BPD, but I hate it. I’ve never been able to make my own choices in life due to overbearing family members and abusive partners. Now that I’m slowly getting away from my family and I have a supportive partner, I want to try to finally be myself. The problem is I have no idea who I am. How do I know who I am without someone telling me what I’m supposed to be?
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It’s my life, whether you like it or not
Family & Caregivers / by sunflowerStorm1021
Last post
 February 17th, 2021
...See more I’ll never be able to say this to you in person mom, so I’m putting it online with a bunch of strangers because therapy is expensive. You’ve controlled every aspect of my life. You refused to test me for learning disorders and when I was diagnosed you didn’t tell me. You made me feel like I wasn’t living up to my potential because you didn’t like where my potential really was and that I couldn’t reach it without help. You ignored all of my cries for help until they started messing with your friends’ views of you, then you pushed me off onto a religious councilor and hoped it would knock the gay and sad out of me. When I tried to die all you worried about was that it was nearly Christmas and how could I do this so close to my sibling’s birthday. When I fell in love you found ways to destroy it. When I needed support you locked me in a hospital and acted like you were the one hurting that I was there. You chose where I went to college, what I would study, and what I would do with my free time. I’ve barely had any choices in my life, and now that I’m almost free you keep trying to destroy my plans and rip my future from me. I wish I could cut you out of my life. I wish I didn’t need your approval. I wish you would have let me make even one decision as a child so that I wouldn’t be utterly paralyzed with fear at the idea of having to make a choice by myself like I am now. You wanted me to be you so badly that I never learned who I am. Now I don’t know that I ever will. I have plans for my future, and I know you don’t like them, but they’re mine. Maybe by making this step I’ll feel more like a real person and not a disappointing extension of you. Maybe I’ll learn who I am
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My mother wants me to choose between her and my partner
Family & Caregivers / by sunflowerStorm1021
Last post
 February 16th, 2021
...See more My whole life my parents have been very strict and disapproving of basically any choice they didn’t make for me. They’ve destroyed relationships with people I cared about, and I think my mother is trying to do it again. She’s decided she hates my partner of nearly three years and that she can’t stand to be around them. Every time their name comes up, she’s mad the rest of the day. She refuses to say that anything is wrong, but growing up with her I’m fluent in passive aggressive. I’m legally an adult, but I’ve never been allowed to make my own decisions so I still feel like a child. I still seek my parents approval in everything even though I know I’ll never get it. My partner and I are moving in together soon, and my mother has been turning up her hatred of them. She takes every mention of them as an invitation to tell me that they’ll ruin my life and hold me back and eventually I’ll hate them, but she makes no effort to get to know them or change her mind at all. Even though she never says it, I know she wants me to choose her over them. Every time I’ve brought it up she’s denied it, and says she just wants what’s best for me, but that’s the same thing she said when she locked me in a mental hospital and took a restraining order out on the last person I loved. In an ideal world I’d go no contact with her and be done, but the rest of my family on that side is supportive of my decisions in life and I can’t imagine not having that branch of support system. If I cut her off she’d find a way to paint me as the villain so they never spoke to me again. Has anyone ever dealt with something like this? I’d love some advice or stories about how your situation turned out or literally anything to make me feel like it’s not just me being stupid and immature and making my own personal hell
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Newbie here
Personality Disorders Support / by sunflowerStorm1021
Last post
 February 19th, 2021
...See more Just downloaded this app today in hopes that it can help me. Thought I’d share some of my situation. I’ve got BPD, anxiety, Aspergers, and depression, plus probably a million more that haven’t been confirmed. I was handling them really well and got into a stable relationship with my favorite person, but then my family stepped in. Legally I’m an adult, but they’ve controlled me my whole life so it doesn’t feel like it and I feel like I still have to do what they say. My mom hates my partner and refuses to tell either of us how to fix it. I would love to go no/low contact with her but to do that I’d have to give up the few family members that actually do support me because they’re my grandparents (her parents). I just can’t seem to figure out how to manage my life without losing the people I care about or continuing to let myself be mentally and emotionally attacked by my mother. I guess this is just a rant but if anyone has advice I’d love to hear it
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