sunnyBeechwood8198 Member Profile

...See more FYI: This is kind of a rant but feel free to comment. Picture this: you live in a city/ville that has a poor living standard. One day your partner promises you a new life in another country, and then after months of hard work you are finally headed off to the new country and your new life that they promised. The road seemed at first easy just straight pavements and meadows along the way. Then you have to cross a dark forest and there’s no other way. As you walk in the forest everything seems fine until you turn to your right and sees your partner is lost, and you realize you’re alone and lost. Background; So this is kind of what I have felt for since winter: alone and lost. As the title states I have in multiple session with two different therapists in a span of six months, not at the same time though. And on every session I always talked about the “two” break-ups I went through. The first one was with my ex-boyfriend. He used to promise me a future together like marriage, babies and stuff like that, and to his knowledge, he knew I liked him throughout high school. So of course the naıve me gonna believe that. But he lost his feelings for me (if he had any) so he ghosted me the day before he called me to just break up with me. So this is the time for my second “break up” with my ex-bff. She knew about his and mine “history” and how sad I was about the break-up. So one she just straight up said: “I think you should get over him and move”. I still do agree, but the problem was that she days later on multiple occasions would brag about the pleasant conversation she had with him in her job(she worked in a chain restaurant)in her knowledge that I was so depressed I had to see a therapist(my first one). So yes, I did confront her and my ex-bf about how it made me uncomfortable. But instead of accountability or responsibility, they would rather be defensive and thought I was melodramatic and cut me off. Like everything was an immature mess. I know I can’t demand to never speak again, that’s just ridiculous. Afterthoughts: Several months later and I’m still as depressed as I was then, still after those multiple therapy sessions. I kind of have build some kind of resentment for therapy which I know for a fact is bad! But the thing is it gets so tiring to just sit in a room just talking about why I’m depressed with no progression and hear the same old overused things over and over again from the therapists and the people in my surroundings. “Just think happy thoughts” “Thats just part of life” “There are people who have it worse” “Ew, he looks gross! How did you even catch feelings for him?” “Just find new ones” “Time heals everything” etc… Like thank you for making me think my feelings are invalid and that they are wrong, or that I have lost all of my sanity. The reason why I’m still crying over this is because they were important to me and kind of still are. Yes, I do have other friends, but only one live nearby me in a city of 10k habitants whereas most youths in my age have moved away long ago. Even though my friend is a sweetheart it's just not the same thing. I do have tried to move on whether with the help of a therapist, a friend or by myself. But every time when things seem to go well I always see or hear something that reminds me of him and then I’m back at square one. I don’t know what to do anymore, nothing seems til help. Every time when someone trying to help or give me a reality check, it just feels they are saying the wrong things. I feel like I just want something to happened, I don’t know what but something.

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