sunnyLake7661 Member Profile

Posting once a week until I'm happy : #6

General Support / by sunnyLake7661

December 15th, 2024

...See more Hello, It's been awhile, unfortunately I've been fairly unable to attend to this site regularly as much as I'd like. So far I've been going out a fair bit and sadly that leaves me less time to attend to the site. I've been investing time into hobbies pretty recently, (Beyond art). And it has been a great help with distracting myself from my depressive thoughts. I've been slowly aiming to meet more people I haven't seen in a while and meeting some new folks. Life isn't great at the moment but I'm trying to at least squeeze some joy out of it. I've decided to finally start attending some counselling, I've not been secretive about my disdain of the nature of therapy, but I do accept it's purpose. When I attended it was an interesting alternative perspective to have on the issues with life. But slowly I drew an odd conclusion. I should be making changes, does life not excite me anymore? I realized that I'm too lazy and ambitious-less to want anything? Like my previous post which embarrassingly pointed out the issues I have with not knowing what I want, but I think that's something to dwell on more. What do we want? it's a hard dilemma to settle down, so much do we wish for what others may want or what the world wants. But what's the point if we don't apply those same ideals towards ourselves. I've thought of why people feel impossible to be loved, and a core issue may be because the same metric they apply to loving someone else is something they may not apply to themselves. If we wish for someone who is understanding, then are we understanding? There are people who overlook themselves to consider others and I genuinely feel sad for people who feel that way. I'm also guilty of overlooking myself for others purely since I feel that I'd rather not bother anyone else, but is this right? I don't mind people coming forward to me to pour their hearts on their sleeves but if it was myself I couldn't stomach the thought of letting others know. Then do I view the people who don't come forward with problems as awful people like I would consider myself? Well, no. It's thoughts like this that leads to people undervaluing themselves when they get blinded by how people view them vs the person they actually are. People are complicated, that's unfortunately the only conclusion I can come to. And it's sad that there is no way to truly understand others. Life is awful because no life is the same and fixating on someone, something or anyone else compared to ourself is the only remedy we have at the end of the day because only you understand the life you lived, your trials and your pains. If you can point out your problems would you say they are challenges or would you see them as a sign to give up, if someone else was in your position would you say they aware of their problems or crushed by them? No perspective is the same because only yours is sharpened by your experiences. There is no definitive perspective on life sadly and that usually means no one will truly understand each other, doesn't mean they can't try but they don't have the same knowledge about you as you do. But if you ever feel awful, like no one will care for you or try to understand your thoughts, my piece of advice would be taking a step back and examining yourself from a point of view as an outsider compared to you yourself. It sounds paradoxical but it's the closes you can reflect on yourself without going mad, so much do we apply some higher standard to ourselves compared to others that we don't take a step back and wonder; instead of reaching some prodigy level we should just reach what we humans can achieve normally. Making mistakes is humanities greatest failure and greatest achievement, mistakes happen in biology many times, there is no flawless human or thing humanity has made and to believe you should be flawless is like going against nature itself. I have nothing happy to say. I don't like me but I love others. But if I love others and I don't love myself then is it even love I feel for others? could I love myself if I view myself as another person. It's tiring to think about. Though I do know if I accept the mistakes of others, what makes me unable to accept my own mistakes, why am I excepted? -SunnyLake

Posting once a week until I'm happy : #5

General Support / by sunnyLake7661

December 8th, 2024

...See more Hello, it's been about a month since I joined and it feels oddly comforting. I don't know what to feel at the moment (I'm dealing with some personal issues and doubt right now despite being on break). I'm kind of dealing with things at the moment. I kind of wanted to touch on the title, posting once a week until I'm happy, it's quite an unspecific condition and I don't know when and what happiness looks like for me. Happiness to me is weird, there's short term happiness where I can be happy and excited in the moment, but for long term plans I am unable to really plan for the future, or wish for anything that would better myself, it's that type of happiness I lack. I'm awful at putting effort into things after the initial excitement and I just return to living a dull life. There are many reasons I refer to my life as "dull" but that's not for here nor there. For me happiness I guess, starts by wanting to live life, I don't know how to describe it but if life feels worth living then that's happiness. Happiness is a set of goals some short some long that if accomplished will lead to happiness. However I've always assessed myself as a go with the flow type of person but now I've grown too tired to really want to set long term goals or establish long term goals. I guess, the happy in the title refers to being able to establish personal goals, long term goals, then fulfill those goals which will make me value my life and hopefully then I will be happy. W h a t g o a l s d o I e v e n w a n t ? -SunnyLake

Posting once a week until I'm happy : #4

General Support / by sunnyLake7661

December 1st, 2024

...See more Hello, if you are in the Southern Hemisphere I hope you are handling the heat well, and if you are in the Northern Hemisphere I hope you aren't freezing! In this art I just wanted to draw something more natural, hopefully it achieved it to some extent, I also wanted to draw a different perspective and work on shading a bit more. During my break I actually had a decent start to the week. After moving for a few minutes I noticed I was feeling extremely weak. A friend introduced me to a gym and I've been pacing myself to hopefully get a little less weak without overdoing it. I've also had a few projects planned over the break before it ends. I was recently interested about cognitive theory, more specifically how our perspective of the world can shift so easily by how we feel. If we feel negative we see the world as entirely negative but if we see the world as positive then we see it positively right? Then how about if we view the world as nothing, would you feel nothing? Sometimes I wonder what a person who doesn't see the world as anything in particular would feel? It's kind of paradoxical in a way , to see nothing would be to feel nothing, but nothingness isn't something you should feel right? So why does nothingness feel sad? I can't quite place it but nothingness and anhedonia are feelings characterized by a lack of joy and interest in the world anymore. And I've realized I've never felt particularly happy in the long term, but short term. Personally for me, I don't view the world as either a good place or a bad place but just something I exist in, perhaps if I viewed the world differently I'd feel better? It'd be interesting if somehow we could change that view so everyone views the world positively, but that would require change that a man posting on a forum can't do. Anyhow I'm going to try and endure the heat in my area, and I hope everyone here has a great day. I'm kinda late with this post but I delivered a post in the end. Have a great day everyone. -SunnyLake

Posting once a week until I'm happy: #3

General Support / by sunnyLake7661

December 5th, 2024

...See more Hello everyone I realised I've been slacking quite a bit when it comes to posting and checking in on the site. I was swamped during the last week because of exams and a bunch of personal issues. Let me think I'm currently on holiday right now, with a lot of time to spend and no real idea of how to spend it (I'm still planning what I want to do) but I do have some ideas for projects of various kinds, unfortunately, I'm a person who lives on the wave of excitement when it comes to an idea and if it fizzles out I kinda forget about it (which is why I fear I have a lot of wasted potential). Speaking of wasted potential, I wanted to know if anyone else has ever felt inadequate before. I've been chatting and meeting people a lot more than usual and whenever they talk about being successful or having these cool experiences. I'm usually always supportive of them and I always express my sincere admiration of the stuff they do, yet oftentimes I feel either jealous or mad; but not mad at the person but at myself. Things like hearing about others getting good marks, going to parties even smaller things like knowing things which I can't expand on or talk about with them. There are popular series that are mainstream that I feel ashamed of not knowing or was aware of. But I fear if I reveal how little I know they will see me as a boring person. I'm jealous that there are people who have discovered cool things and have passion for something while I see anything and everything I've done and seen to pale in comparison. I also feel saddened that they accomplished something that I knew I would've in another timeline or world. I can always pinpoint a time when everything in my life went for the worse and I can't help but see them as someone I could've been in another world, the only good takeaway I have is that since I'm in the worse version of my life I could be in then the chances of anyone else feeling like me right now is less even by 0.1% or that there is a world out there that I was successful and happy. At some point, I used to be a person who studied and did things with some vigour but nowadays I'm just extremely tired and I don't know how to remove that feeling, there are things I know I should do to have a good life but a terrifying part of me wishes for my entire life to self destruct, it's a feeling in my chest which is always present and something that I feel is worse when I try to sleep or I dwell on something a lot. This feeling is a feeling that I can liken to falling into a hole continuously and while I distract myself on occasion this feeling comes back. Help would be a good idea but I've never liked involving others in personal affairs and I do not dislike the idea of therapy but I dislike the nature of it (this is not an insult to people in the profession). The only thing I wish was that I could forgive myself for what I've done to end up feeling the *** way I do and whether or not I should even try at this point. I guess my moral of the story would be; that comparing yourself to others is not healthy and you should focus on yourself, naturally, no one is ever the same and attempting to know everything is nigh impossible so enjoy the things that you know and if you ever hear something you never knew before then a conversation becomes more interesting. Another sad post, which I blame on being tired from the busy week I had. But now I can finally rest without worrying. So hopefully my mood improves over time! -SunnyLake

Too Late

General Support / by sunnyLake7661

November 22nd, 2024

...See more Recently I thought of why so many people may feel depressed, the most common age people have their first depressive episode is between 19 and 21 (CDC 21% of people in a survey conducted in 2019 in the US) and adolescents have it rough as well (2020 study found 12% of adolescents reported feeling depressed). Worldwide there's a 4.21% report of depression in all ages. I often feel that 19 to 21 is the age where we suddenly change, we no longer are in high school or college anymore and we become adults. This sudden shift can cause many opportunities... and sadly many mistakes. When we hit that age we're no longer going through mood swings or developing like our formative years (12-18) and now we should be mature and finally get a job and seek work to make a living. There are many reasons for depression such as loneliness, isolation, abuse, trauma deep struggles people could have gone through. When we approach depression from people, from many walks of life, I often feel that a key problem is how we would look back on our formative years and perhaps feel that time was wasted and anything we do will be inconsequential and this carries over to older folks. We feel like because we're young we should achieve things as soon as possible before "being young" wears out, we rush so hard but don't think about everything else. If someone asked you what your life would be like if you were 65 or how you want the world to look after 65 years some people wouldn't know what to answer. Retirement would come to mind but what would that mean? Is that something you can only do when you retire? I want the world to be a better place. did anything I do ever contribute to that? And now the problem becomes did I waste my life? I've wondered this for a while and that thought comes in many forms. I didn't do things that I should've done, I made decisions that were so easy to see were wrong but I made them anyway, and I missed out on things that I should've experienced. I never felt truly happy, did I? If humans only lived for 30 years then yes it would be something that might hold more weight, but life expectancy is rising and soon the average age will one day be 80 in places like Australia or Germany. People think that doing good while their young is the only thing that matters, but once you are no longer young then what? Why give up when life is halfway there, why stop running if the start line isn't far behind you? Is it too late to turn your life around? No... there's never a reason to think it's too late to change for the better, sometimes it may feel useless but a small step is still something that we all must take to lead to big changes if you need to pause in life don't be afraid to do so or seek guidance. Life is long and experience is more valuable than time, so please don't think it's too late. If you have a goal in the distance you'll never reach it if you don't start. Likewise, if you start you'll eventually reach the end. Just don't give up because you will reach that better you, that better place, that better world, eventually. I can't tell if this should go on general support, but if someone is willing to read this, then at least I hope instead of seeking support I have possibly given support to someone else going through similar thoughts. If you've put up with my blathering I want to say; You've worked hard to stay alive, very hard, and I'm glad you are here reading this. -Sunnylake

Posting once a week till happy?: #2

General Support / by sunnyLake7661

November 25th, 2024

...See more Hello, I just wanted to post a little bit of art I decided to redraw when I drew this character from a very obscure game (only a few people know it) called Genshin Impact, I dug through a lot of old art, some good and some embarrassing. Life has been interesting so far. Currently, I'm dealing with a feeling of demotivation. I find it very easy for me to get distracted and very easily dissuaded from doing tasks I should do, which is weird since I don't mind staying up to draw but when it comes to watching a lecture I instantly give up. Let's see currently life is progressing slowly, I'm studying at university right now (and I have a lot I can say about my academics but that's for another vent/post) and I'm in the middle of my exam period right now. I've been spending time with friends doing the usual playing badminton, and hanging out and I got my hands on some horror games cause a few were on sale. I've begun being a bit more open to strangers I'm planning to meet someone to study together with. I don't particularly stand out or have hobbies as cool as theirs so I am worried about being boring to them, but I'd rather embarrass myself than miss out on making another possible friend. I also decided to try and look for a local gym and arrange a friend to go with. My finances aren't great however I've been looking for work to pick up hopefully after the exams are over or maybe making money elsewhere. It's odd in my opinion, I go to school to get a job in the future but I never really had a job or had any desire to make money, (my parents lived frugally and I barely asked for anything if they offered money I generally refused to take it, very stubborn about using the same 10-year-old phone despite the battery being bricked) it may make me come off as spoilt but in general, I never really had something I wanted or any desire for money. Maybe that's a sign of my lack of future planning, but I don't know maybe there's a term for that (maybe complacent, but I'm not happy about my current situation either). I don't have much to say except life is still moving ahead and that dreaded sun in the sky is still rising (it's really hot and humid right now, ironic since my name is-) hopefully everyone has nicer weather and I'll post later again when I'm not sweating a lake. -SunnyLake

Posting once a week until I'm truly happy with life: #1

Newbie Hub / by sunnyLake7661

November 2nd, 2024

...See more Hello I just recently joined and had some pretty bad thoughts about myself and my current life situation. I enjoy art, writing, some sports, and dabbling in whatever creative thing comes up. I also enjoy games here and there. And since this is my first post I thought it would be best here in the newbie hub. I have many issues with myself at the moment. So I decided it'd be best if I came here just to sort out how I feel and maybe connect with some people. Right now I want to change my life for the better and I feel like sharing at least some parts of my life will not only help me reflect on how I feel but also serve as something to look back on. Don't get it twisted though I don't view this site as a personal journal but more as a community I can be honest with. I don't usually act this open in real life. I'm not certain if I'll post every week and I'm not sure how long I will post for but I hope that this will be some type of push out of the slump I'm currently in. And yeah I'll probably still come back to the website now and then to speak or listen to the lovable community here. Have a good night and if it's not nighttime where you are then I bid you a good day! - Sunnylake

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