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sweetclover82
281 M Embraced 2
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts24 Forum upvotes24 Current upvotes24 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2020 Member sinceJanuary 26, 2015
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Does it EVER go away?!
Trauma Support / by sweetclover82
Last post
 September 9th, 2018
...See more Im going to go ahead and spill my guts, largely because Im not sure where else to go with this. It isnt something I enjoy talking about. 15 years ago, I was involved with a man who was BAD NEWS. After two years of abuse, I was finally able to leave him. Less than four months later, he went on a violent rampage and killed several people before taking his own life. Ive spent many years dealing with the fallout. Struggling with overwhelming guilt, PTSD, depression. But, I pulled myself up and through the struggles and his image has been absent from my dreams for over five years. Until Wednesday night. He appeared in my dream, as my current husband. All I recall was that I was snuggling up to my husband (all my spouses mannerisms and inflections), until I realized it was the bad man (physically). I recoiled in horror. My first thought when I woke up was my gods, Im still in love with [the bad man.] This dream has completely f*(ked me up. I thought I was past all this. I havent wanted to snuggle my man, my stomach is in knots and Ive been choking back tears for two days. I hate spilling my guts like this but I really need to get it out. I spoke to my husband about it, but it just made him frustrated and angry. I think he thought I was past it all too. Im just frustrated and confused. When will he stop f$&@ing with me?! Will I EVER be over it?!
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Excited for a new beginning.
General Support / by sweetclover82
Last post
 December 8th, 2016
...See more I have been wanting to go to grad school for a couple years now. Husband has been hesitant to have me go because of the cost and our ability to afford for me to go to school and only work part time. We live in a small, religiously-strict community. Opportunities for growth here are extremely limited but, like everyone else, the cost of living is steadily increasing. My husband has been working for the same company for 9 years and is making $10.70/hr. AND he just got a raise! Needless to say, we've been financially stressed (we also have two littles) but money's never really something we've argued about. Today he came home after another frustrating day of being belittled by his boss, and told me to help him find another job. Why not at a University? Good pay, benefits, plus a certain spouse might qualify for a discount on tuition. Just so happens, the University I've been looking at has ONE opening for his position, application due tomorrow. I think this is one of those times that opportunity knocks and, dang it, I'm opening the door.    
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Thank you, everyone!
Journals & Diaries / by sweetclover82
Last post
 January 28th, 2015
...See more Yesterday was a terrible, awful, no good, very bad day. I went to a place, emotionally, I haven't been in a couple of years. It was scary and uncomfortable and I desperately needed to get all off my chest. I Google "depression support online" and found 7COT. I am so, so glad I did. I wasn't in crisis mode, but I was able to cry it out over the keyboard and got very supportive messages back. Thank you all so much for being here! I am addicted to this forum now!
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