sympatheticFig3990 Member Profile

...See more This is going to be a very long one. basically of March this year I began talking to this guy and we started dating a few weeks later, since I first ever spoke to him he told me he was going to the marines right after he graduated high school in May. Now for me at the time I didn’t really mind it I gave it some consideration and I had an idea of what life would be looking like. I am well aware not everything turns out as planned and u can’t predicted or control the future in some ways and it just doesn’t work like that. We were already doing long distance with him living in another state and when he could he would drive 4 hours just to come see me, he really put in the effort before going away to bootcamp and our relationship was very healthy I would like to add, there was never any small negative red flags that’s I noticed and ignored he was a truly honest good guy still no complaints. He left for boot camp in July now I will admit that was already hard and ofc I missed him but I tried not to think about it too much, after a few weeks I started getting letters from him and I tried to write back only in response and not blowing him up with letters because I knew how overwhelming things already were for him. Around last Sunday the day after my birthday he gave me a call *** they let them have a little free day there and we stil discussed our plans for him hanging out with me soon once he gets his 10 day leave now on the phone I truly think he hadn’t let reality set in that he soon won’t be around the people he just shared all these experiences and trauma with. He graduated last Friday and has plans with his mom after when she came out to visit, I let him have his time and didn’t stress about him calling me right away because that was a big *** day for him. We texted later that night and I could instantly tell he was on and I joked a little and pointed it out and he apologized and admitted that he just felt really different after coming out he just didn’t know how to deal with it. Fast forward to Sunday morning and we called and we were just honest with our feelings he admitted how the bootcamp experience really changed him and gave him a more serious perspective of life, now I don’t know everything he went through but I can only imagine how terrible it was and he probably has some type of ptsd. He admitted that as much as we both wanted to make things work it just wouldn’t be realistic like we were already long distance and he would be going off for more training and then by next year he will be deployed or wtv. After first I tried to convince myself that we could still do it but I gave it thought and agreed with him that it would feel like more of a thought of having a boyfriend instead of him truly being with me. He also expressed how he would be very focused on his career and how he would want to talk to me but it would be overwhelming for the both of us. He talked about how he felt and I didn’t blame him at all I was honest and told him to go focus on his career he committed to that long before me and I would feel too guilty even trying to hold me back. I appreciated his mature and very blunt approach to things, there’s so many things he would want to give me but in those 4-5 years he will be away it’s just not in the cards. Some people make it work and others don’t and there’s still love and care there I allowed him some time and we ended things a few hours after the call, I let him know I would be there for him regardless I’m always proud and supportive no matter what whether we are dating or simply friends. We both agreed to stay in touch during his training and so forth and I let him know not to feel obligated to write or text me but at least contact me if he has the time or truly wants to. Now for the whole change thing I tried not to take it personal because I know he can’t help it as much, on the call he admitted to me how he even felt about his old friends when he got back in town and his family, it was clear he was starting to develop that solider mentality and it made me a little sad but i wasn’t surprised about it. For me I’m a very understanding person and he has a lot going on trying to come back from bootcamp readjust to regular life and then prepare to go back just in a few days, I know he doesn’t think of me as a burden but the last thing we need is more stress. Like I said the call was very calm and mature there was no arguing we just simply talked things out and he texted me later thanking me for understanding and he just truly needs this time to work on himself and his career which I truly admire and I hope he goes far. For me I completely understood where he came from and I’m not mad or regret anything I guess my problem now is the people I’ve talked to about it. For one I spoke to my mom and I understand she’s in her protective mode and just wants me to be happy but she’s been giving me pep talks about how it’s ok the way I feel but by college I’ll grown from this matured and it won’t hurt as much now I completely agree with her on that and I’m not in denial my issue is her suggestions about meeting new guys. When I’m ready I definitely won’t push anybody out or turn down a potential partner but in university I truly want to focus on myself and my career I don’t want to think about possibilities with my ex or any other relationships that could be too overwhelming. I know she means well but those types of suggestions I just don’t want to hear, i guess this is my first official heartbreak because I’ve dated around before but this one was pretty serious and healthy so maybe that’s why I’m taking it so hard. I can’t help but compare any new guy to him and my standards are definitely through the roof it’s not easy to really talk or find someone nowadays willing to do what he did and maybe even more and I understand life goes on and I could find that so I’m not oblivious to the chances of that. Another worry I have is what could happen in those 4-5 years ofc for him I know in free time he will probably drink and visit strip clubs maybe even have hook ups and stuff like that I’ve read about marine men and how they act and I hope he doesn’t go too far into it and come out so different but it’s not impossible. For me I worry that after times passes and his contract is up we end up rekindling and idk how that would even go or he comes back and we simply keep things cordial, I’m not trying to think about that too much because it’s so far from now but I just can’t help it. Another thing I’m dealing with are these weird feelings I have I know it’s normal to feel a certain way and obviously feel sad but I’ve been tending to cry a lot and it’s not necessarily me wanting him back or just missing him I feel like it’s another reason I keep crying, I don’t feel abandoned or like he led me on or any of that other stuff. I also have this weird feeling like my mom is my trigger any time she’s asked me about anything regarding it I just break down and maybe it’s bc I feel vulnerable or what but it just bothers me, I wanted to take a walk yesterday to clear my head and right before it she asked if he has tried to reach out or if I did. We both haven’t spoken since Sunday when we broke up that day he said he would still let me know when he leaves for training and just check in. Now I didn’t expect him to text me anymore considering I know what he’s dealing with and going through and I didn’t want to text him because I know he needs his own space and time to process things. After my mom asked me that I just broke down on my walk crying about it and I couldn’t seem to know why, I also came on here to maybe get some insight on what I should do I feel slightly conflicted I want to check on him in a few days just to see how he’s been doing and to make sure he’s not in trouble I know he’s a big boy and can take care of himself but I just wanted to let him know I’m always here for support. I tried going to sites like Reddit and checking threads to see if anyone related to a similar situation but it wasn’t much help, I wanted to come on here just to express how I was feeling and maybe seek guidance or advice. Sorry this was a long one

Bio

Recent forum posts

Talk to an expert therapist

Hello! My name is Melissa and I am a licensed psychologist, providing mental...

About Us

Get Started

Online Therapy

Terms

Bio