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sympatheticZebra88
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts0 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 1970 Member sinceDecember 16, 2014
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Don't know what to do feel trapped
Depression Support / by sympatheticZebra88
Last post
 August 10th, 2016
...See more I'm not sure how to start this. I'm sorry if its lengthy. There is a TLDR at the end. I'm having a bad life. I was abused physically when I was younger. My mum divorced. Then she went on valum and fioricet and checked out from the world. When she was semi cognisent she became verbally abusive. I was teased by the kids at school relentlessly. It was a private school so no action was ever taken. Sorry about your problems but you're one kid. If we discipline 8 kids them might quit school. That is 8 tuitions we'd loose. I met my future wife, married and got a house. Got a job where a a creepy old hag proceeded to sexually harass me. I became nervous and had a constant upset stomach. I asked my wife if I could quit and get ANY other job. She said no we need the money. I suffered through 2 years of pain and frayed nerves. Finally I was allowed to go to a psychiatrist. I wasn't allowed previously because my wife didn't believe in them. I explained to her what was going on. Her advice was divorce my wife and quit the job. After many sessions  with her, finally got the courage to go to HR and quit. I was told I am the 8th person she had been harassing. The HR dept didn't know why she wasn't fired yet. The HR dept promised if I didn't sue I would receive a compensation package. I took the deal. My wife went to a psychiatrist her self and she became caring. I finally had a good decent partner. But she quit after 6 sessions. Still it was enough she remained a caring person for a year afterwards. My wife cheated on me at least 3 times over the course of the marriage. She started a divorce, which she made very messy. A 12 year marriage was over. It was then I found out a year before she met me, she was diagnosed as being bi polar. At the time of the divorce I had no job. I went to my mother to ask for help. My half sister was there. She has PTSD and frequent hallucinations. She mistakes fictional people / plots for real life. She is a social worker and was discussing ways that she might be able to help with housing, income, etc. I left my mothers house to pick up a few things from my house. When I came back, there was a cop outside. I was arrested for terroristic threats, and ended up in a psych evaluation facility for 3 days. After their various tests, they found out (surprise!) there was nothing wrong with me. My half sister Had told them I wanted to cut off my wife's skin and wear it. She also said I had threatened to throw her in a hole if she didn't do what I told her. Sound familar? Yes it's silence of the lambs, which was on TV right before she talked to me. My trauma (divorce, getting kicked out of my house) caused her PTSD / hallucinations to graft the actions of the Buffalo Bill character onto me. I then had to prove my innocence. It took a year and much money that I didn't have to clear my name. My mother knowing that my sister frequently blends stories with reality said I don't want to see you again. My wife then changed her mind and said she didn't want the house I could have it. I found a job and was there for 6 months when I found out in another 6 months I would lose my job. I lost my job and I lost the house. I had to move in with my girlfriend's mother. I acquired a new job. I moved in with my girlfriend to an apartment. According to her I can't do anything right. I can't drive right. I can't cook right. I can't even asthma correctly. Then she broke up with me. That devistated me. We are still in the same apartment, sleep in the same bed. She keeps saying it won't be awkward, it will be as awkward as I let it be. It's awkward no matter what. I really want kids and and at this point I am too old to have them. TLDR: A lot of bad stuff has happened to me and I just can't take it anymore. The divorce killed me. I lost my best friend. I don't want to be in a sexless relationship. My girlfriend is 9 years younger than me. Still young enough to have kids. If I leave right this moment and find someone else immediately, they would be closer to my age, they will most likely have kids or be infertile / high risk pregnancy.
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