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synfulsong
964 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts17 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 1970 Member sinceMarch 3, 2015
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Agoraphobia and Anthropophobia Butt Kicking Contest
Anxiety Support / by synfulsong
Last post
 March 9th, 2015
...See more Yeah, I have issues that keep me wanting to stay inside.  Like, all the time.  I hate leaving my house.  It causes panic attacks, from mild to debilitating.   Lately, I've been having to go out a lot more, simply for doctors and blood work and all the happy good fun bloody stuff.  :P   It's getting easier, but it leaves me so emotionally drained, that I tend to want to do everything all at once while I'm out, so I can simply collapse once I get home. Thing is, I'm a mom.  On disability.  So, everyone thinks that I can never sleep unless my son's asleep, except for the people who really know me and see what I'm going through. It's so difficult sometimes that I'm not sure what's worse: the emotional drain of being outside the house for so long, or the emotional drain of having to constantly remind myself that I am doing my best, my son is happy and healthy, and that those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.    In the end, it doesn't even matter.  I do what I have to do to get my stuff done in a timely manner, and then I do what I have to do to stay mentally safe.  It's working well for me for the most part. But today, I guess I'm so worn out from the past three weeks of constant running then collapsing then running then collapsing that....I don't want to run anymore.  But my check came in today, and all the bills I can pay online are paid, but I still have to buy groceries (I live in a small town that doesn't do grocery delivery), take my mom cell phone shopping and get her and my prescriptions refilled, take my son on a slushy run if he got green at school, and just a lot of running. Mama and my roommate both think I'm trying to get out of going because I'm still not ready to go yet, but in fact, I'm just waiting for my son to get home so that we can knock it all out in one block of several hours of being out.   Sorry for the wall of text, but I just wanted to let others with agoraphobia and/or anthropophobia know that it is a pain and a hassle, but it doesn't end or control or destroy your life.  You just have to find a way that works for you.   <3  Cheers!
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