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teekay1
727 M Little Steps
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts38 Forum posts64 Forum upvotes74 Current upvotes74 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2022 Member sinceJune 15, 2019
Recent forum posts
Continuous cycle of depression/healing
Depression Support / by teekay1
Last post
 August 25th, 2022
...See more Its so confusing out here man. I used to think I was just alone, and not lonely, because I’ve always been coping just fine by myself as I’ve learnt effective and healthy ways of dealing with my stuff, until recently. It feels so heavy now. I go through phases of really heavy dread that’ll last for weeks and then begin a new phase where I feel like I’m better than ever. Then the cycle repeats but each time, whatever the feeling is, gets abit more intense than the last time. Im not really seeking advice here. Probably just anyone who can relate. I just needed to release a little bit.
ghosting best friends
Relationship Stress / by teekay1
Last post
 August 25th, 2021
...See more Honestly I came here bc Im avoiding my assessment but anyway, does anyone else have experiences of feeling guilty for ghosting their old best friends? I am an avoidant person (hence why Im typing this out and not the rest of my assessment lol) and I dont know if Im right for ghosting. I dont plan on reconciling these friendships, but that makes me so guilty, I dont even think they know Ive cut them off bc I just stopped talking to them out of nowhere with no hints, no explanation (I have no social media and deleted their numbers/never replied) and they might think Im just on my usual ghosting behaviour. But this times its permanent. I just had no more space for the pathological lying (which went on for 6 years), the narcissism and the self-absorbed mindset and behaviour. I get this is usually justifiable to end friendships, but the more I think about them the more I realise they had massive unresolved issues which they dont know I know of that I maybe could have helped them to realise + heal? but then it brings me back to the realisation we're not supposed to fix everyone. but then that seems selfish to me, like shouldnt we try and help where we can? + what if they start self loathing and questioning themselves? which I think they should but not in the way it leads them towards poorer mental health but instead to deep self reflection, healing, transformation and etc. anyway thats all thxxx
Corona concerns
Anxiety Support / by teekay1
Last post
 March 19th, 2020
...See more Ive been feeling anxious for the past few hours although I have tried to realise theres not much I can control, but what I can control is what I choose to do to manage my emotions. Most of the anxiety has just come from learning our schools havent been confirmed to be shutting down because "Corona virus functions differently with children". Not even too sure what that means. But I cant help but get so sad mainly because of our teachers. How am I supposed to feel if one of the students or even myself as a student, unknowingly contracts the virus and passes it on to a teacher who then passes it on to a vulnerable family member. A few of my teachers I know either live with their parents who are ill or see them almost every day. Not only that, but their young children I cant help but to think about. But so far all we can do is "wash our hands" and "ensure 1.25m distance at all times".
Other people
Anxiety Support / by teekay1
Last post
 February 27th, 2020
...See more For a few years Ive always belittled myself to the point where Ive pretty much engraved in my head that everyone who knows me thinks very little - nothing of me. And honestly I dont mind at all, it doesnt affect me. It brings me peace in a way. But the point where it does affect me heavily is when I learn that people actually do think of me. Today I learnt that one of my teachers were talking about me to a friend of mine, discussing something really nice and deep. For some reason I get anxious when I hear this stuff because it just defies what goes on in my head.
My experience
Self-Harm Recovery / by teekay1
Last post
 September 17th, 2019
...See more Last year I used to slash my wrists and upper thighs in the shower. Not exactly sure why but it was kind of my way of coping. Emotionally I was so numb that I stopped caring about anything and I had accepted myself as a burden to my family and school so I felt like nothing phased me enough to care again. Because I was so careless about everything my parents were so dissapointed in me I think because they couldnt get get through to me. I used to slash myself because it was the most effective way for me to deal with my inner anger and frustration.. though I still yet dont really understand what I was angry/frustrated at. I thought about dealing w my feelings in other ways like punching other stuff, cutting paper, etc but they never really satisfied me like self harm did. I think it was just something about harming myself bc I believed I was piece of shit so I didnt mind ruining myself. It also worked with maintain my anger I think because it just made me feel numb again? idk. Another form of self harm I comitted for about a month was taking medicine pills. I think at first I wanted to OD myself but didnt have the heart to and also bc I had the tiniest bit of hope for healing and recovery that I was clinging on to - this tiny bit reminded me that there is so much to live for and really this tiny bit is why Im still alive. I was taking random pills I found in the cupboard from home to school even though I wasnt sick and it made me soooo dizzy and nauseous so bad but I didnt stop because I didnt care much about my wellbeing. Here I am today though with much healthier coping mechanisms and with a healthier mindset
inability to communicate
Anxiety Support / by teekay1
Last post
 September 13th, 2019
...See more Last year when I was depressed I tried to get help w my mental health and didnt really succeed because of my inability to communicate properly. Its so hard. Whenever I try to talk to my mum about a problem I literally cannot say anything, I breakdown and cry and try so hard to talk but its just non stop crying. My mum just stares at me like im an idiot and I would of thought she'd be able to empathise and realise im not mentally well but to her Im just weak. I remember her saying, "only people who are weak think like that" .. "you have to be strong".. I understand she means well but how can you expect someone to "be strong" when they dont know how. I love mum but her inability to understand defs has influenced the fact I havent bothered to reach out for help because I feel like in order for me to recieve help from the people who do understand, I have to get through to the people who dont understand (mum), hence why my mindset gets shitter ot. I think im just lost on what to do from here.
I am not ok
Anxiety Support / by teekay1
Last post
 November 3rd, 2019
...See more All I have been seeing at school this week is 'R U Ok' and I am not ok, yet at the same time Im still ok. I feel I am not ok because my anxiety worsens overtime especially as it really affects my school, family and social life and bc I havent sought help or the comfort of any family and friends. I also feel ok because as sad as it sounds, this isolated, anxious, emotionally x mentally worn out mentality of mine has become engraved in me that I have begun to think its just my personality. This poor mentality of mine I have had for a long time that it is as if it is who I am and therefore "I am ok" because Im used to myself like this.
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