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themightykazoo
58 M Embraced
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2021 Member sinceJuly 11, 2021
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It's about to be ten years I've been surviving suicidal ideation
Depression Support / by themightykazoo
Last post
 July 14th, 2021
...See more Hi everybody My childhood had a lot of stuff, and I was in therapy on and off since I was talking, but I was 14 the first time I really remember contemplating suicide. For me, a lot of the time, it comes not as a logical thought process but more of this emotional urge. I also happen to have celiac, which I didn't know until just a few years ago. That means that I spent most of my life so far eating bread and wondering why my body was in so much pain. Now that I know, I feel way better, but I miss bread all the time. And the thing is, if I eat it, there's about this half hour window of reward before the consequences start kicking in. I'm about to turn 24 and I'm going through a low point in my mental health. And I know logically it will get better, but those urges are at one of their louder periods and it's got me thinking. With bread or dying I'm waking up and my emotions are telling me I want something every day. And I'm making the choice to step away because even if it feels like relief I know it hurts me. It's not a perfect analogy. Obviously one is more irreversible than the other, but it stuck in my head and I didn't know where else to put it.
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