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thoughtfulLand2956
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2026 Member sinceFebruary 22, 2026
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Just venting about porn addiction this morning
Addiction Support / by thoughtfulLand2956
Last post
 February 22nd
...See more Hey all, first time listener, first time caller. I'm a recovering alcoholic, current vaper and caffeine addict. I'm familiar with addiction. I've dealt with my share, and with alcohol, when I was done I was done. Things had to get pretty bad, like really awful, before I quit, but I haven't had a drink or really considered drinking seriously in six and a half years now. I've also had the experience of trying to quit smoking cigarettes on and off for twenty years with no ultimate long term success, relapse after relapse. So, I've experienced me some addiction. Then there's porn. I've never been able to *** pleasurably without a visual stimulation. I don't know if it's because I discovered porn right when I discovered masturbation when I was a kid, and the two are just so deeply behaviorally linked by associations that I just can't manage it with my imagination, or if it's because I'm one of those people who can't create images in my head really, it's just words in here, so I need some external visual stimulation to get off. I'm not sure what the mechanics of it are. I don't think the need to get off pleasurably sometimes is a problem, and I don't *** to excess, but I do always use porn when I do. So, is it addiction I'm experiencing like I do with chemicals? Not really. Here's the thing, though. My wife is a victim of trauma and sexual violence when they were younger. So, to them, looking at porn at all is morally equivalent to cheating. And so, my porn use hurts her. It has been a long-standing issue in our relationship. And here's where the traditional harmful addict behavior creeps in. I keep watching porn and ***, trying to be sneaky, getting caught, causing hurt. Rinse, repeat until my wife is completely over it. Doesn't trust me at all anymore. They're not giving a hoot about an explanation of needing visual stimulation to ***. It's irrelevant to their moral calculus. And now I want to stop, because our marriage is more important to me in my head and my heart than jorking it to some soulless video. I didn't look at porn yesterday, and I've had periods of abstinence, even for months, but in times of stress or emotional overwhelm, it's almost like I mindlessly go back to it for comfort, then I feel like *** because I know it's hurting my wife, and now I've committed to being honest when I slip, so if I do, then I know I have to face that. How do you all deal with long term abstinence from porn? Sorry for the trauma dump, I can only ever seem to communicate in walls of text.
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