tinytermite Member Profile

...See more Entry #001 Happy birthday to me. I'm 21 now and there are so many things i wish i could change. I haven't always been a very happy person but i think I'm at a point where it's gotten worse. Sometimes, i lay in bed and i feel so tired and bored that the only thing on my head is dying as if i were thinking of something temporary to pass away the time. Today, I had friends over and it was fun. I didn't want them to leave and that's when i knew there was something wrong. It was like i feared the fact that they were going to leave. I didn't want to be alone. When i escorted my best friend out, i held her hand so tight while we walked because i wanted to soak up as much of the company as i could. Now that they're gone, I'm alone again. I'm lying in my room and i feel like crying. I feel like I'm 21 and it's still the same as when i was 11 or 12. I'm still the sad girl who has friends she loves, who love her back and yet she still feels lonely. The person i wanted the most to wish me a happy birthday today didnt and that's probably my fault. I cant say he's wrong for wanting to be away from me after i hurt him but he hurt me too and i hate how it was so easy for me to let go off the things he did and not get the same grace in return, when it's all I've asked for time and time again- just the grace to fix things and make them better. Anyway, I'm new to this app and this is my first entry. I did this because i think i feel safer talking to people who don't know me in reality and also because i want to focus more on myself, the things i feel and maybe how i can get better, if that's possible. My next entry is probably going to be my story. I feel like its a good place to start.

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