tiredskyblue Member Profile

...See more Just need to get this off my chest. Also forgive me if i have grammar mistakes as english is not my first language. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. But I feel like work is draining me mentally. I work in an office job. I just got a promotion but after that my productivity just went down, my job requires a lot of creative thinking in a fast-paced environment. Maybe I am not really good at it. I am not fully close to my coworkers but if I need something from them I talk to them when a job needs to get done from my side and will need their help. I opened up about my social anxiety to my boss and I challenged some things that I never thought of doing, like leading an update over a call, coordinating with some people to have the work done. I have improved and was doing amazing and smashing the improvements about what my boss and I discussed on 1 on 1, but always anxious and what’s always in my mind is would I get fired? There has been a restructure they are a lot stricter and faster. And since I need to constantly grow for me to secure a position and give all my best, but I can’t keep up with that. Before the restructure happened I went for a month vacation. My boss didn’t like it he said that it’s not advisable as it disconnects me from what’s happening within the company and the work gets hectic and he doesn’t have a right hand for help. But I deserved that vacation, why is it not acceptable? I was with my family we were going to some amazing family places when i went home. I’ve never felt better, I started eating healthy and was really worry-free. And one thing i noticed as I the days get closer for me to go back to work, they asked me to make something and was doing it in my work laptop I became rude to my parents as I was asked to do such small changes in the document I was making annoyed faces and was telling my mom can we finish it quickly in a rude way was typing and slamming my fingers to the keyboard. I felt so bad that and I said sorry to them for my attitude the next day. I don’t know if it’s a response to anxiety at work as it reminds me of work. & after I went back after New Year i’m just not too happy. I am so homesick till now..and met with the restructuring and my team changed their tone when talking to me. My boss is usually friendly now he’s just cold and strict. And we were expected to be proactive at all times, our work is being watched at all times by the CEO. And we just need to be really fast. He wants my calendar updated to see what i’m on. And all of that just drained the *** out of me. Like it takes me a quite of time to finish a task and he questions it and said how am I going to manage my time efficiently. All these drained me. I wanted to cry but I can’t even cry alone as I have a roomate. Now we need to submit the evaluation questions like next 2 weeks as we get evaluated every six months. And I have no amazing things to put and I was not doing big projects. it’s hard because I want to quit but I can’t go back in my home country life is hard and jobs doesn’t pay well. But I’m really feeling homesick and possibly depressed? After feeling this I immediately searched for depression diagnosis near me. I am confused if this is just situational depression or like a deeper depression. Who should I talk to? 😭 my mind is gonna explode

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