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tomtom2023
1 582 M Embraced 4
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts33 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2023 Member sinceJanuary 2, 2023
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Going through a breakup, sort of, and more of a process of changing my bad habits to get her back
General Support / by tomtom2023
Last post
 January 4th, 2023
...See more I have an appointment with an in person therapist todayI took her to work todsy. When I called her babe, she said to me it’s Pilar, her name. However, she also said when someone pisses her off this much that’s when boundaries get set. So I remember the boundaries things. She said it’s about her not feeling safe. Which understands better now. She wants to feel like she’s not trapped and I’m not blocking her exists or anything. I feel anxious though because I forget things a lot, and can easily slip back into my old bad habits. It was nice to take her to work today. I said have a good day and she said it back. I’m taking care of the house keeping it clean and taking care of the dog. Feeding and walking. I’m still smoking cigarettes a lot because I’m anxious, but I’m not doing any drugs or anything bad. I don’t feel the urge to smoke or anything when she’s around. My biggest fear is that she is talking to one of her exes and that she is getting romantically involved with, which might be why she is setting such strict boundaries. But he could just be a friend. But again, this is my biggest pain point. It causes me to feel depressed, and anxious, and feel like I need to sleep all of the time. One of her pet peeves or problems with me is that I would sleep all day when we were together, but this stemmed from my same fears of her talking to other men, dating them, or whatnot. She asked me to install locks in the bathroom and guest room so that we can sleep in separate rooms while I maintain boundaries. The other day, when she stayed the night, I went in her room the other night to check on her, and it made her upset, because she said she didn't want me in her room. However, many of the texts we have back and forth are about the things she wants me to change about the bad habits I had when we were together, and that gives me hope, but Is unwilling to stay at the house in the guest room yet, because she said she does not feel safe. I finally get this, and understand that she wants me to stay clear of her path, not get in her personal space, etc. It was hard for me to understands, because this was different only weeks ago when we were intimate. That's it for now. I'm hoping to get some advice on how to win her back the right way, slowly making those positive changes, gaining her trust and making her feel safe again to begin with, and then showing her that I truly understand and am willing to keep working on myself to get back to our normal, healthy relationship.
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