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toughFig8278
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts14 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2025 Member sinceApril 29, 2025
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How to be a supportive partner? Kinda long post
Family & Caregivers / by toughFig8278
Last post
 May 20th, 2025
...See more I'm new and have never posted here before, looking to see if anyone has been in a similar situation.  I've gotten to a point where I just don't know how to help myself or my wife really. I feel like I've been a bad partner. My wife has been dealing with a lot of depression and self-hatred lately. A year ago she lost her job and hasn't been able to bounce back because it was a really traumatic experience, they were totally unfair to her. Luckily I make enough so that we're getting by financially, but since then she's gone through episodes of self-harming, deep depression, crippling anxiety. She's been in therapy since Jan 2025 and we have plans to relocate in a couple of years, but it involves us having to save up a lot of money. Meanwhile, she's been telling me that she's getting afraid to leave the house. She gets high all day 5 or 6 days out of the week to cope. I feel like I'm under a lot of pressure to manage the household. I got a second job, plan out our meals, take care of not all but some of the chores for our shared spaces. She feels guilty about not doing more. And I've become the one who manages finances with the exception of a few things. She helps where she can but she's at capacity. The only thing that breathes life into her is if she gets to see her friends/we have people over for dinner and like weed. In the last month or so though we've been fighting more. I try to make suggestions or ask her to be accountable for the things she says she wants to do and she seems to take these as complaints and that I'm so disappointed in her, etc. I'm an anxious person and it really hurts to see her in so much pain. She says I'm impatient and demanding, and gets angry with me and spirals. It's really triggering for her to perceive that I complain about her at all. I hate that I ever make her feel worse. But I also am feeling really isolated and under pressure and sometimes I feel like she just avoids the work she needs to do to feel better because she has me to take care of her. And I feel guilty for thinking this way. I love to take care of her but I don't feel like I can rely on her for the same at this moment. She tells me she feels like her life has no purpose, and I listen to her and point out all the things she does that make me and other people happy since that's important to her, and I feel like a broken record. I admit I try to "fix it" when I really shouldn't, so I understand where she's coming from when she says I'm impatient and demanding and complain so much, but I also make an effort to say nice things and celebrate wins together. I'm just lost on what else to do. It's been a year and her wellbeing has been in pretty steady decline.
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