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toughTiger6481
20 32,034 M Determined Treads 3
PathStep 246 Compassion hearts5,199 Forum posts5,228 Forum upvotes4,675 Current upvotes4,675 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2025 Member sinceJune 11, 2018
Recent forum posts
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selective hearing
Relationship Stress / by toughTiger6481
Last post
 January 2nd
...See more I am trying to find effective ways to deal with anger towards my partner.  We OFTEN have discussions and I tell them information they asked about  and they act as if they listened or nod head ... Then we visited family over holiday. partner asked them about same discussion .. Family member said the EXACT same thing i told partner. MY partner then tells me like this is brand new information when the person said verbatim what  I had previously said.  I know it is a small thing i should not let bother me but when it happens on a weekly basis looking up things and telling me the same thing i just told them i began to question their hearing my volume in speaking. Not that reword my response still ignored... text them they claim they never saw it i have read receipts.      it has to be on purpose i have spoken about it but like most other things it is ignored.  we have some other issues but i often feel those are intensified by the refusal to listen.  We started the day fine and then they told me something  i had told them two days ago ..... they look at me like i should congratulate them on finding this information.... i walked off furious the whole day will be tainted by the anger and resentment. 
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suggestions for better results
Content Volunteer Team / by toughTiger6481
Last post
 November 11th, 2024
...See more As a member i feel for those whom post on forums and not get the response or answers in a timely manner. Maybe i missed it but as a member on other forums there was hints for posting such as breaking up huge paragraphs which are hard to read and then often get less or few responses.  some post  maybe be better to label as a vent - advice needed- questions.  so many with either Too long title or too simple example ... "relationship"  "need friend "  or one word titles in general. Not sure if some did not read how site works but so many new people  seem to think members can   message etc.  I feel some people might have been or are discouraged when few answered or responded .... if that happens many move on to other sites. 
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disrespect or miscommunication.
50 & Over Community / by toughTiger6481
Last post
 November 5th, 2024
...See more I am sitting here seething my BP is up and i want to vent.  Every time i speak to spouse he literally does not hear me at all or does a head nod just to pretend he heard.   Then moments later he wakes up from his fog and repeats what i just said like it was NEW information. An empty restaurant store front near us last Thursday had new signs put up to show what will take that space ... I asked him did you see the signs ..."new place opening soon at where X restaurant used to be but I have never heard of new name....' he says "yeah yeah"  head nods etc..... TODAY,  Sunday he runs into house after being out and says DID you see new signs up on that empty storefront.....  i just stared at him and said "why yes when i asked you last Thursday "  and he said "OH yeah i thought you meant something else." ...think this is covering as he never tells me what he thought i said. Am i wrong for being mad that he does this sort of thing a lot? ......  he is often pretending conversation was to something not even related.........Now wants a conversation about the place opening.... i walked away. I have explained how disrespectful this is or seems since UNLESS he notices it just did not happen.       
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does this happen to other people?
Relationship Stress / by toughTiger6481
Last post
 August 24th, 2024
...See more    So my spouse has an issue that has just grown and grown and i cannot take it much more.... Example: he asked me to find out what someone may want or like for a b-day... they told me i shared with him and he starts online shopping ............that goes from looking at the item they wanted...... to always trying  to one up something...   He starts showing me things he determines are " better" then the one thing the person said they would like... he picks colors he likes not what the person would want ... His way is always Better in his mind.  He does this with restaurants or anything else USUALLY the item he things are "better " are not and often are garbage/junk.... he apologizes but refuses to learn to NOT keep doing it.... everything i buy he thinks he could have found a better deal or something yet he procrastinates and wants me to swoop in and fix it then complains that he could have done better ...... I am done .... i do not want him to buy anything anymore........ he does not read packages he gets the wrong thing .... 90% of the time.   Any suggestions on how to have him quit this .... telling it to his face with examples of how many time this went WRONG has not phased him..... telling him i refuse any crap he buys online etc .....has not stopped this.
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need to vent about spouse who has to be doing this on purpose.
Relationship Stress / by toughTiger6481
Last post
 February 12th, 2024
...See more had a OK weekend ... but then in less then a half hour he has me so angry work will suck today. garbage  / recycle day  can he help take it out ......NOPE    he thinks i am the janitor too.... put dishwasher on delayed start ........he does not know how that works .......so he opened door left ajar so it did not start while he was watching TV ........it would not have done that.... it had hours before starting..... could he have asked or made sure to close door before going to bed????    NOPE .......... starts digging through DIRTY dishes this morning  and tells me the machine must be broke    I  said  "NOPE you opened and left door ajar does not work that way"  ...... and he LIES about it i heard him screwing with it when i was heading to bed.... he uses dirty dishes if i do not get a chance to run them and WONDERS why i do not want him to make me things to eat...with dirty dishes or utensils ?    I really wish he would get a bad case of diarrhea or food poisoning but somehow he would blame me.    HE  left a mess outside (for 2 months)    something that needed to taken to dump .......but he is too lazy so i broke it up and will put in  garbage can a bit at a time for a few weeks ...... i did 1/3 of it he has to come "help" and then says it was a good idea HE had and takes credit.....  he was sending a family member a gift and got  a notice it was delayed ..........wants me to text them to say it would be late as we inform them so they can watch for delivery and not get stolen....  I AM NOT his assistant....... or his MOTHER or caretaker  .....  IF this was a one time thing ........i would be great but it is continual and even if he clues in for a day or two it goes right back ..... i am lost as how to continue to cope  HAD numerous talks goes no where  ...... he lies like a child being caught doing something he KNOWS he is not supposed to do.   It is not a matter of i forgot or did not know ....... thought of therapy for myself but am seriously concerned if i am told these are small things let them go i will SNAP .......being continually aggravated on purpose by someone is taking a toll on me. 
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health of partner
50 & Over Community / by toughTiger6481
Last post
 February 3rd, 2024
...See more my partner has always been strong and ok.......... seldom did anything slow him down he had one  health incident and now acts like he cannot do anything...... I do not want to appear uncaring or such but at a certain point this pity party has to end. he can either do something or what he is waiting to die sitting on the couch.    he had a checkup yesterday Dr also had him do several tests etc before the actual dr appointment........ when I asked him about his test / visit he was vague and said nothing yet i am guessing by his reaction i should have been freaking out or fawning all over him to get information.... i am tired of this slow walk any information / he does not want me to attend visits with him which is normal for couples if the diagnosis is serious etc....    so i was like "ok" to anything he said ...... he said surgery might be an option just said fine tell me when i will drop you off and pick you up from hospital ........  NOT trying to escalate anything but seriously if he is unwilling to share any info the do not expect me to do cartwheels and back flips to try to get him to let me in on any information. 
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respect and support in a marriage
Relationship Stress / by toughTiger6481
Last post
 December 17th, 2023
...See more what do others do to stand up when a partner does not show you respect you deserve.  i am well aware i need to be more responsible for my own reactions  to his childish behavior and  my own happiness.... I am struggling with a partner who does not show me any respect............when good things happen in our world Usually due to legwork i did ...... he takes credit ..... if i do any thing that is working well  he has to take OVER so it is his win ..... i did not want to end up like this but now he has to argue about everything and when google proves me right he loses his mind..... i do not rub his face into i AM right but if he is right he practically does a victory dance... if people have suggestions on how to end this BS let me know. 
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share your thoughts on do you want to know
Relationship Stress / by toughTiger6481
Last post
 November 15th, 2023
...See more This is an question i have been pondering in reading many posts here and in other places and some real life experience with friends IF your partner had an emotional  connection with  someone... or a physical one .. when would you like to know  as soon as possible ?    would it hurt more if it was ongoing for a long time ?      would you like them to confess over just finding out? 
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