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towers3010
116 M Embraced 1
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2023 Member sinceJuly 21, 2023
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I’m suffering from depression, anxiety, and anger
Depression Support / by towers3010
Last post
 July 23rd, 2023
...See more I broke up with my ex back in September because she was a narcissist/ control freak and would constantly put me down by calling me names because I made less of an income, put me to clean because I wasn’t making enough, cussing me out in front of people, always be in contact with her ex and would manipulate me in thinking that my family didn’t have the best intentions for me. I’m the middle of our relationship she got pregnant with my child but unfortunately he didn’t make it due to a disorder and we both went into depression. She would not attempt to get better but when I tried healing she’d constantly abuse me and it ultimately led me to attempting to commit suicide. I’m here today luckily because my brother found me after taking pills, I got fed up with the world because the only thing I wanted was my child and it didn’t come to pass. After being admitted to the hospital my ex came and found me at the hospital and checked me out to bring me back home. It was such a bad relationship up to where every time we got into an argument she’d kick me out but come back and block the doorway because she didn’t want me to leave. She smashed my fingers multiple times when attempting to leave so the only way I broke up with her was by leaving while she was at work. January come around, the day after her birthday she calls me up and wants to know why I didn’t congratulate her happy birthday and I replied because we aren’t together anymore. I felt bad for her and told her I’d meet with her that night to take her out but she really just wanted to show off she had bought a house and a new car. I didn’t know this until a month ago but she had slept with her ex (the real estate agent that helped her get the house) and me that very same night after denying me that she had been with anyone else but me. After taking her out and sleeping with her that night we attempted to make things work. But I had so much ptsd from our relationship that I was not sure I could trust her. So after 6 time of trying to get back together I finally came to terms that she’s the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. (I had become codependent on her for happiness and I did love her because she was my first love). The last night we were in a relationship I was taking care of my brother after his recent break up while she was out with friends at brunch. They later on went to bar hopping up to 3 am when I contacted her and tells me she was going to spend the night at some random guys place. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with the situation and she claimed I was killing her high. So I told her she could go get high, drunk, have a hundred ducks for all I cared. The next day I found out that she had blocked me on everything and I took it as a breakup so I messaged her multiple time to tell her what a horrible person she was. I later on went to emailing her daily because I felt like I never expressed how I felt in our relationship because I would stay quiet and this was my only outlet. She left me in debt, kept the money I was giving her for our future home, kept my babies momentos (baby shoes, clothes, sonograms, and and teddy bear with a recording of his heartbeat), gave away my belongings, I even went ahead and made repairs to her house and bought her tv thinking we’d move in together. I later went on to steal my dog but she called the cops and I returned him because I don’t want to deal with the law. I loved that dog because he’d cheer my up after she’d verbally abuse me by keeping me company on the living room couch. All I ever wanted was closure from her but I have accepted that god was looking out for me. I still miss her and keep imagining her with a guy that is where I should’ve been, by her side and married. I keep having nightmares of being with her and waking up with anxiety and it’s hard to function on a daily bases
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