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trilljack
1 55 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts4 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2016 Member sinceAugust 18, 2016
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How to find my thread?
Safety & Knowledge at 7 Cups / by trilljack
Last post
 August 18th, 2016
...See more I cannot view my own posts from my profile, its not listed on the "newest" anymore and I am using now a different laptop to access this site, so I cannot even check it from my history... Is there any way to view your own posts? Or did it get deleted? :(
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New member who's likely to face a breakup soon
Relationship Stress / by trilljack
Last post
 August 20th, 2016
...See more Hey, I don't know what am doing here, probably want just virtual pats on the back. A short intro about myself; 31yrs of age, live in northern europe at the moment but have lived in Spain, England and Australia in the past. I'm a gardener by education, but re-educating myself to be a Bachelor in Hospitality Management (only lacking a thesis and 20 study points, which translates to 2-3 months of school tops, as I already have the thesis pretty much written)... I am a social person but due a cannabis growing hobby I had, I had to be very careful socially so my social contacts are extremely low, but now some 117 days without getting high so don't judge me on that, I woke up from my stoned stupor - got sick of my ways... My relationship trouble? Been together 11,5 years with my girlfriend (since I was 19)... About 10 years of that I was high on weed pretty much every single day, and it costed a lot of social things for us. On top of that, I was smoking cigarettes occasionally too, which I lied about to my g/f, she caught me like 99 times (but also haven't smoked cigs in 117 days btw)... I cheated on her once a few years back (maybe like 4yrs ago), she found out about that... Those are all the bad things I did She has never did anything bad for me. Always been an angel. So in a way I can understand that I hurt her too many times through letting her trust down... On top of that she moved to Spain two years back (been visiting her every fall and spring), and I was suppose to get the degree and go with her. I was very depressed and as you can see from the above text, I didn't get my shit together, because I was in deep depths. So, another let-down for her. From the above you might think that "OK this is just doomed to fail" - but we've had a lot of good times together too, including a 16 month around the world trip. So we've tested our relationship in tight situations also (like, on the trip we got tricked by the Russian Embassy with our visas and had to pay a lot of money to get out of Russia, in Australia experienced a few tornados, in the pacific a few tsunamis...).. Now she's telling me that I have let her trust down too many times, that she doesn't want to continue with me even though she loves me, because she has just got burned too many times with me. I've made a lot of changes in my life in the past few months, and she has acknowledged them. But of course I know to show her real change it would take time, which obviously I don't have. I don't know what to say to her to make her give me some time to show that I've changed - I didn't change for her, I changed for myself, was just so sick of me lying to myself. She's coming to see me later on tonight. She could stay the night, but said she's unsure if its "makes sense". I am a romantic guy and said that common sense and the ways of the heart are two different things. The further I am writing this here, the more stupid I feel about this. What could you say to make it go well? I don't know; Maybe I am expecting some magic words. I know we gotta talk about the problems, and we have seen a relationship therapist once (we're not married btw), and it became clear there that her issue is the trust. That otherwise she'd be all good to go with the relationship but she can't trust me. This is the woman I'd like to marry, to have kids with. I know if we break up, there won't be another chance for me to get to know a girl real good (coz let's face it; women my age want their babies before they turn 40), I don't want to have my kids with some random stranger (I am from a broken home)... But don't get this sentence wrong; I am not clinging onto this relationship out of fear, but for love. I know maybe it is time for me to let go of her, I can't make her trust in me again after all these years, but a side of me is saying that I should at least try. How to make her see that, or what do you think, is this a lost effort?
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