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troubledpolly
1 55 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2021 Member sinceMarch 1, 2021
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New here don't know there to turn.
Family & Caregivers / by troubledpolly
Last post
 March 16th, 2021
...See more Hi, I'm nee here and this is my first post so I'm figuring everything out. What brought me here was another sleepless night of crying and thoughts. Long story short, I'm the eldest of 4 siblings (3 girls and 1 boy). I'm 30 years old and fed up. I'm probably the most successful out of us 4 siblings. I'm very happily married, have 1 child, I have 2 science degrees and a great job but I can do nothing right by my mum. Everything the brother does is great and amazing, he didn't even complete 3 months of his P.E university course before dropping out due to the difficulty. But I was lectured that his course was much harder than my science ones. My brother bought a barely working, CAT D write off Mazda, that had no working electronics. I offered to help him (my career is in the motortrade), to which I was mocked "What do you know about cars". When I was called back to work during covid, my mum through a tantrum and said I didn't need to go back to work "somebody else could just answer the phone". ... years of building my career and I'm constantly mocked and have the mess taken out of me for "working in a garage", which isn't what I do at all, and there's nothing wrong with that either. My mum brags constantly how my brother is a teacher (which he also tells people), which he isn't, he has no degree. He works in a school helping set the computers up, which again there's no shame in that but I'd love some praise too. My middle sister, who doesn't work or study or do anything (still lives with our parents), once picked an argument with me over a date on a Slimming World certificate over social media. She called me a liar because the consultant wrote the wrong date so therefore I'd not lost a stone. I pretty much ignored her but I got told to "sort my life out" and my mum lectured me about how upset she was (?!)...I ended up having to apologise... My youngest sister (who is an angel), gets given so much support and I'm so jealous it breaks my heart. She's only 20 and about to open a tea room and I'm so proud of her but at the same time I hate how much support my parents give her. When I was 23 and doing my second degree I wanted to set a small side hustle to earn some cash. I'm very skilled with a seeing machine, so I wanted to design and sell plus size knickers. My mum laughed at me and said I was "being stupid". But they fix up and pull together an entire resturaunt for my sister....but I was an idiot for my little tiny dream to earn some pocket money. I'm trying to buy a large stunning 4 bed house in very desirable area and my mum did nothing but point out its flaws....but my brother wants (has no funds to buy) this old basic house and my mum raves how lovely it is. These are all just tiny examples of decades of feeling pushed out. Everything kind of came to head for me this weekend, my grandad has just passed and we're all clearing out his house. I didn't want to ask for anything initially as it felt in bad taste...or too soon but we've been told it all needs to go so speak up basically. So I reluctantly asked for 2 cat statues my dad promised me them as I love cats. I'm the only one of us with a house but majority of the nice furniture went to my sister for her tearoom and I thought "ok thats fine, I'd rather sentimental things". I've spent 4 days scrubbin the VERY filthy mouldy kitchen and everytime I came across something remotely usable, I was strictly informed "thats for sister". I then asked if it was ok with Dad for my grandads storey book, I'd like to read it to my son. I was told "No" by my mum. I then asked for some paint that was in a skip pile again I was told "No". I then asked for some curtains and they'd already been skipped. Then at the end of the day my mum tells me the cat statues are going to my dads sister (who didn't even ask for them) and this point I just feel "Whats the point, I know exactly where I stand". I know its just stuff but it just felt like I'd yet again been completely pooped on. I'm just so fed up feeling not good enough, no matter how much I try. I need some advice, I keep trying to stop seeking my mums approval but I always go crawling back for "mummy please say you're proud of me" which obviously doesn't happen. Is there some magic trick to break this cycle?
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