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turquoiseHemlock900
19,307 M Progress Road 8
PathStep 132 Compassion hearts1,754 Forum posts79 Forum upvotes88 Current upvotes88 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2023 Member sinceJanuary 8, 2019
Recent forum posts
How Do Nonbinary/Genderfluid People Deal With Dysphoria?
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by turquoiseHemlock900
Last post
 March 31st, 2022
...See more I've been struggling for a long time. Some days I feel really happy in my body, some days neutral, some days I just can't stand it. Things like my hair causes me extreme stress too, because I don't know what kind of style and color to go for that will work with all of my days. How do you guys deal with this?
Help! My partner isn't doing anything...
Relationship Stress / by turquoiseHemlock900
Last post
 September 26th, 2021
...See more I've been struggling a long time, because I'm a planner. I was raised in a household where everyone had anxiety, two people had OCD, therapists suspect I have BPD, and at least three of us were perfectionists. I've always been very go-go-go and having a future that I'm working towards is incredibly calming to me. This need was worsened due to trauma from my first/last relationship (he cheated on me two months after taking my virginity, was emotionally/sexually abusive, was ableist to me, and ended our three year relationship over text). With my current partner, I wanted love and stability. I fell in love with my bestfriend of six years, who I had known for close to a decade, and who had always been there for me. It took me a while to be open to a relationship, because I always wanted to be with someone of the same religion (which we are not), but I eventually decided that my heart wanted what it wanted and that we were a perfect match. We started dating in 2019. He had big goals of working in the political sphere - had a university picked out that he wanted to attend and everything - and was finishing up a gap year for his health (we both have chronic illnesses). I was in my freshman year of college, in honors college and an honors society. We both wanted academia and arts and to eventually perhaps create a family one day. It's now 2021 and he still hasn't even applied to a school, nor has he been working or doing any other sort of training. In December of 2020, we almost broke up because I told him that I needed to be with someone who I could have a future with. He promised me he'd have a therapist and be enrolled by the end of summer...but it's September and he's done neither. He has a lot that he deals with. He was sexually abused when he was a child by someone close to his family, who he still has to see regularly (he lives with his parents who don't know that it happened). He had suicidal thoughts in early highschool. He has AHDH and the chronic pain. The somewhat-selfish part of my mind reminds me that I also have sexual trauma, a history of self harm, various chronic illnesses, etc. though. I'm not sure what to do. I want to go like "oh love's enough", but I want a family one day. It's also hard for me to feel fully loved by him when it feels like he's not putting in the effort required to be able to have a life together one day.
Not sure what's me and what's trauma anymore...
Trauma Support / by turquoiseHemlock900
Last post
 October 22nd, 2021
...See more When I don't feel like I want sex, I wonder if it's a trauma response and I'm feeling adverse to it, due to my experiences... ...but when I do want sex, I wonder if it's because *he* trained me to think I needed to be that way and/or whether I'm experiencing hypersexuality as a trauma response. Similarly, I'm never sure what kinks I have are actually mine or not. I was abused by the first person I ever started to explore my sexual feelings with, and I have no sense of what's "normal" or what feelings are coming to me naturally. My sexual identity has fluctuated due to that as well (thinking I'm straight, then asexual, then demisexual, then bisexual, then lesbian, then bisexual again...). How does one work through this?
How to find the strength to try to make a friend again?
Anxiety Support / by turquoiseHemlock900
Last post
 October 14th, 2021
...See more I'm 21 and I haven't made any new close-ish friends in the past six years. When I graduated highschool, most of my close friends were people I had been friends with since middle or elementary school. They've since all left and gone off to colleges and made new friends there... while I've stayed home, since my disability ended up requiring me to be an online student. They now respond to my texts less and less each day, with a good deal dropping me entirely. I've never been good with making new friends (for reasons unknown). I used to be outgoing when I was younger, and have tried to force myself to be in the years since, but no one's ever really interested in me. I've even invited people places, and they've all either not shown up or they went without me (despite it being my idea). I can't live without people, but after my experiences... I just don't know if I can keep trying. How does one find the strength and motivation to try again?
How do you (emotionally) keep trying to make friends?
Depression Support / by turquoiseHemlock900
Last post
 September 28th, 2021
...See more I've just felt defeated in recent years. Almost every friend I've had has left and I haven't been really able to make any new friends in the past six years. I'm not sure how to find the energy/motivation/trust to try again.
Experiences with IRT?
Personality Disorders Support / by turquoiseHemlock900
Last post
 September 24th, 2021
...See more I have suspected Borderline Personality Disorder (no official diagnosis yet). I'm part of a research study on people with BPD or who show similar symptoms, and I've just started group therapy as part of that. The therapy type we're doing is Interpersonal Reconstructive Therapy (IRT). I've heard of CBT and DBT before, but this one is new to me. Has anyone tried this form of therapy before? Did you find it to be helpful? Any resources to recommend there (like infographics or books on the topic or whatever haha)?
Advice for People Not Yet Diagnosed?
Personality Disorders Support / by turquoiseHemlock900
Last post
 July 30th, 2021
...See more I'm in the position where I have a therapist who thinks I have BPD, but they do not have a specialty in personality disorders, so they haven't felt comfortable officially diagnosing me. I'm trying to find someone who could assess me currently (I've gotten nine "no"s, two who haven't responded, and I've contacted eight more people today). Does anyone have any advice or stories for people who are seeking a diagnosis?
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