umm1234huh Member Profile

...See more Okayy so actually I've been feeling intense mood swings I thought it was like everyone else but recently I noticed I feel everything so intensely I feel guilty about things I shouldn't be, I feel sorry about things I shouldn't be I cry so easily...and I get mood swings on everything every single decision of my life no matter how major it is, my emotions keep shifting I used to fear abandonment but now I don't want anyone else in my life literally no one except two three friends .. I take decisions based on my emotions at that particular moment after few minutes it changes like crazy... I blame myself for most of the things sometimes I know it's not my fault still I do it I have been doing self har ming I'm two months clear currently but like whenever I face situation when my anxiety gets high I feel like doing something to myself cuz only that way I feel calm but I try to control myself sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't... I think a lot about what others might think of me like a lot... I overthink even the tiny events which is actually so basic and others won't react to it that way like I get anxious so quickly I feel like perfectionist though I know I can never be that yet.. I genuinely don't know what my own life values are or what I really want in life as my thoughts keep changing it's frustrating (except for my academics) I feel like I don't know who I am I just agree to evrything people say and tend to adapt it I guess I'm a people pleasure I don't want to hurt anyone at all or make someone feel that I'm bad... I avoid conflicts a lot like by staying silent or by agreeing to something I don't believe or anything... I find it almost impossible to say no and if I say no to someone I keep overthinking like what if I hurt them what if they think I'm bad blah blah... I sometimes feel so empty or bored with life and I just sleep... I don't know if I can exactly call it anger issue but I get angry so easily but never show it to others I either stay silent keep overthinking keep feeling angry or rarely I say it out loud I give a rude reply then I again overthink it feel guilty.... I've high level of trust issues I find it quite hard to believe in people sometimes I just feel like I really don't trust anyone fully...my actions and thoughts towards a person keeps changing based on every single action of them..for example I've a really good friend but she did something wrong to me for once and then I forgive them or maybe I really don't but I never show it ..but I can never see the same person... I behave according to my moods with people if I'm happy I will behave good if I'm in a bad mood I can behave rudely as well though I would feel guilty about it still I behave rudely...unknowingly I mostly end up hurting my closed ones sometimes by words or actions...if one single bad thing happens with me in a day I end up thinking about all the bad things happened to me and cry over it or feel miserable... I often relate other people's struggle with mine (they're relatable someway) I might feel like manipulative but I'm not I just take decisions based on my emotions... I try to be friends with everyone close to me like in a group or anything.. many times my friends have also said that I don't know what I really want or I can't make a fixed decisions I never thought about it earlier but now I realised they are correct... I don't know what I should do to be better to actually be like a human...

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