unicornsonparade Member Profile

...See more Things have been so dark lately. My one glimpsing hope for my therapist to help me work through it all greatly backfired. I hate repeating myself and it feels like that's all I ever do. My "friends" are starting to feel more like strangers. I haven't made any new friends in years, so that could be a problem as well. Especially since I feel like the people I know are sticks in the mud. Stationary. Living in the past. Fuck that, I need more people hungry for the future. Then there's the issue of a support system. I know that there are people that care a lot for me, but they don't understand depression. They don't know the depth beneath just being sad or bummed. And the ones that harp on me for never coming to them in a time of need are never there when I do reach out. The only glimpse of anything for me is the notion that I'll kill myself one day. It's such a great feeling to hold on to. "Oh it's selfish", but yet I'm asked to stick around because someone else wouldn't be able to handle? That's selfish. People die. We all will. No one is getting out of this shit show of life alive. So I drag on. Drag through everyday. Living with a seizure disorder that doctors don't know how to deal with, so they tell me I'm lying. Which has fucked up so much of my future plans. It has taken away so much from me, that when I'm told these things by doctors, it doesn't help. Am I the only one that feels this way? So alone. So very, very, very alone.

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