unwarrantedagony1998 Member Profile

...See more Sorry, i just had to come back to say this because i think its sad. 7cups used to be a place where i could come as a listener and help people, because i could relate to them. It was a place where i could connect with someone as a member and get the help i needed. sometimes we just cant bear being alone, and this place is perfect. its a place where you can find someone you can relate to regardles your situation.... or it used to be. Now i honeslty have to say, its a place of anxiety and fear. below you can find my full story. based on it, most people will identify who i am, and i know my account will be yet again deactivated however i just feel so strongly about it i must just get it out once. I was a listener for a really long time. I have been through a lot despite my age so i could relate to literally almost anyone. I was well liked by listeners and members alike. I was the kind of listener who literally stayed up for 24h straight with a person because i didnt leave them until they felt comfortable enough to leave me. I was a listener to more then 20 listeners. I didnt care if they came to me using a member account or their listener one because for me ratings and all that didnt matter. all i cared about was being there for others. I have been going through a lot. I never talk about it because i know people dont tend to understand. I had maybe 6 listeners who knew i wasnt all happy. of those only maybe 3 knew the full severity of my situation. I didnt know anything about it but someone made a rather nice shoutout for me, but others didnt take well to being asked if they wanted to contribute. See i didnt know the other part as well, because people knew i was sick, but i didnt talk much, but my girl friend was a member here, and she talked a LOT about my situation and how it affects her in group chat, something I had no control or knowledge about, but people pieced it together. Based on those two things the hate started happening. I had members connect and harrass me, listeners harrass me. And finally my account was suspeneded. Everyone was and still is accusing me of lying about my situation. to those who accused me, i first ignored them. Then when they got abusive, i backed up my story with various proofs including pictures and videos. They would request a picture of a specific injury i had mentioned and i delivered within minutes. But it wasnt enough. so next my member account was suspended. I admit i was in a really bad place, so i opened a new member and listener account because it was my escape. my place to just get away from my horrid life and get help but also the one place where i could take all the bad things that happened to me and use them for something positive. I never used my listener account because it felt wrong to posses it. I only used it to quickly update a few listeners who still remained friends with me briefly one day, but it also was removed. now i still have a member account, not this one, that i rarely use because i just feel so much hate and judgement here. I understand there are a lot of trolls on this site, but shouldnt listeners use the principle notion of innocent until proven guilty? Nothing made me feel worse then having to prove myself every single time i talked to anyone. having to show parts of me i am ashamed of. Is my life story believable? Based on the reaction probably not. But its not like i have a choice in the matter. I have to live with these scars every single day. I have to live with the fact that every time i look into a mirror i want to cry. I have to live with not being able to close my eyes without being afraid to get hurt or having flashbacks that leave me shaking for hours. I have to live with my permanent injuries regardless if i want to or not. Dont you think that there isnt a moment i dont wish i could just make it all go away. So just put yourself in my shoes for a second. imagine you are sitting here ashamed and hurting wishing it would all go away, and rather then just being able to go here for help to calm down after a flashback, you have to prove yourself. You have to argue how the stuff that you are trying to put behind you and clear your mind of is true before you can even ask for help. So that flashback you had is now 50 times more vivid in your mind because you had to prove yourself again. That is not what 7cups is here for. It is not a place where you have to fear what people will think. I cant even count how many listeners i reported for saying things that are wrong and mean, but i realized a long time ago, the people who dont care they dont get banned. it doenst matter what you do or dont do. it just matters who you know. just like in life. I used to think 7cups was different. my mistake.

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