urlocalcrystallovingfruity4lifer Member Profile

...See more hi guys ! i just wanted to share a snippet of my story (actually it’s really long. sorry!) my dad is a narcissist. ️TW: belt abuse/physical abuse ️ he is a manipulative and psychotic person. he would whip me with a belt but it wasn’t just once or twice it was multiple times. i would have bruises and rashes . he said it was “parenting” and it was until he stated taking advantage of that. he would almost smile when he did it. he enjoyed it. he had this look on his face that i almost memorized because of how much he did it. he would do it about 3-4 times every day and he wasn’t a drunk. but the funny thing is he made himself seem like he was doing the right thing. he made himself believe that he was a good father. which was not true. he wouldn’t let me do my room the way i wanted or let me wear what i wanted. if he didn’t like an appropriate sweater i wore he would make me go back and change . i thought to myself the audacity this man would have to tell me that i dress for him. but i realized why. because he liked control . he urged for it and it got to the point it took up my life. he cut me off from the world. didn’t let me have my phone ever i had to sneak my phone in at night just to be able to text my friends and mom. we had no heat. no water. it would be 30 degrees in our house in the middle of winter. he made it seem normal. it wasn’t money that he was missing.. this went on for about 6-7 months. and along with no hot water we had to take either freezing or semi warmer showers. everytime it would be the day to go to his house deep inside i didn’t want to go but i forced myself to believe i was being taken care of and that i liked that house even tho i didn’t. but i realized that soon after my mom got full custody of me and my brother…. my dad would $pank me in front of my brother and make him watch. ️ TW: physical abuse: in detail ️ there was one night and i can remember it like it was yesterday…. i was cleaning and my dad thought he brought something in but he didn’t , i did and he thought i was just trying to argue even tho i managed my tone…. he slowly got up and the anger that was in his eyes is an image i will never forget. it almost looked like he wanted to hurt me. and i know it’s stupid to get so mad over something so small but it was an excuse . to hurt me. which he did. he got up and charged towards me , as i was walking backwards to the front entrance and i remember the fear on my face the way i was whispering “dad… dad” in tears. he grabbed me and threw me against the corner of a wall and kicked me while i was down. i ran upstairs crying my eyes out , asking myself what i did to deserve that. i told myself that i wanted to go home. but i couldn’t. i had to stay with him to keep the peace…. he came upstairs and got on his knees. he apologized and cried. yes of course in the moment i forgave him. but it was all apart of his game. he made me feel sorry so i apologized and he blamed it on my mom. i forgave him and i thought it would be over. but it wasn’t. a few nights later the same thing happened again. he lashed out. and apologized. and it was a cycle that kept happening. over and over again. i couldn’t be myself in that house. i felt like a mouse in a cage. trapped and alone. he invalidated my feelings and made me feel like i was going crazy. he always told me to get my anger under control but who was using me as a human punching bag for your anger. yup. you. you hurt me. you made me feel empty. you hurt me and somehow even now you still believe you did the right thing. you hurt me. i cried myself to sleep for such a long time just wanting a good relationship with you. because you were my dad. “we could’ve had it all” -adele. but you took advantage of me. you hurt me in ways i still can’t even explain. and now you lost me. for good. im so sorry this is long! i have been holding it in for so long. anyways i’m okay now i live with my mom who takes such good care of me and i’m living full custody with her ! i just wanted to share my story! i’m sorry it’s long i hope everyone is having an amazing day !! feel free to reply if needed :)

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