Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
vespxrs
882 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 13 Compassion hearts29 Forum posts21 Forum upvotes20 Current upvotes20 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2021 Member sinceNovember 23, 2019
Bio

Just a girl from Canada hoping to find people to connect with and relate to

Recent forum posts
vespxrs profile picture
Sleep Paralysis - Community discussion
Depression Support / by vespxrs
Last post
 February 28th, 2020
...See more Hey guys, I'm Nat. I've been struggling with depression for a long time (since i was 14) but other than constant fatigue, i havn't had many sleep disorder problems in years. I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, so please forgive me if it isn't. Last night, I had my first sleep paralysis episode in years. It was terrifying - I couldn't move, I couldn't call out to anyone no matter how hard I tried. I also saw shadows moving, and even though I'm not spiritual, it scared the h*ll out of me. Today, I found that I've been struggling with basic things, like typing, or forming coherent sentences. I've debated just callign it a day and going home because I'm having trouble writing notes durign class. It's as if my body didn't fully recover from the episode and my mind is still half asleep. Does anyone else feel "foggy" or like they have trouble co-ordinating their movements after a sleep paralysis episode? If not, how do you feel after an episode? I have not had an episode in years, and I do not know how people usually feel afterwards. I'm a little worried.
vespxrs profile picture
a journal for my thoughts
Journals & Diaries / by vespxrs
Last post
 December 19th, 2019
...See more NOTE: I need a space to express the things I have bottled inside so I may mention dark topics. If you are triggered by certain things, please do not read. Specifically, I will talk about struggles with depression, anxiety, trauma etc (specific warnings will be at the top of each entry). I am open to replies! I just ask that everyone is respectful and I will be respectful towards you as well. The Pros and Cons of My Life Right Now Pros: - My best friend / boyfriend is the kindest, most loving, funniest person I have ever met - Exams are almost done and I can take a break soon - I'm planning on eating custard buns after dinner today - I started watching Dodie and she makes me feel less alone in the world - I ordered some Tarot Cards months ago and they are finally being shipped out to me - I have some creative energy in my right now, i havn't experienced that in a long time - I'm planning on going to Montreal for New Years Eve Cons: - I suffered something traumatic over the summer and it affects my day-to-day life. I have troube concentrating, I have trouble relaxing alone, I can't sleep properly, I want to stop existing sometimes. - I failed math for the second time and I'm wondering if my dream career is really meant for me or not. I excell at every aspect of the major i chose... except for math and at my university (and all universities near me), math is necessary to pursue this major. As well, I can't switch in to a similar major beacsue my dream career requires this specific stream or a stream that is MORE math-intensitve - I'm low on money and i don't know what i'm going to do this summer to pay rent when i need to take math in summer school and i need a 40/hr job in order to survive... which is diffucult to do with schooL. - This fall, i moved into a house with some people i considered close friends, but one of them has seemingly changed completely. They have lashed out at my housemates, and the house environment has turned extremely toxic. It sucks because i moved out of one toxic home into what i thought would be a healthier one, but it turns out i just moved into a duplicate of it. I have to live here until May. Until then, i'm living in negativity, discomfort, and fear. - My depression has gotten so much worse. I can't find motivation which is affecting my studies - why should i study if i'm just going to fail again? I have trouble getting out of bed, taking care of myself, going to class, getting groceries among other things. - I'm in therapy right now, but my sessions are about a month apart because her schedule is always packed. One of my sessions have gotten cancelled and another got cut short because the fire alarm went off - I feel like a fraud. I always hold myself back when talking about my feeling with my therapist because i'm afraid she will hospitalize me. On the other hand, i have trouble communicating my feelings and situation properly because everything is so complicated and so i hardly ever get to the root of my problems (if there even is one). - I had a nightmare last night - Sometimes, i just want to fall asleep and never wake up. Just sink into the ground and stop existing. Everythign will be so much better that way - I have to go home for the holidays and i hate my hometown. A lot of people hated me in high school, and because it's been less than 2 years since i graduated, most of those peopel are still there. As well, i don't talk to most of my high school friends because i realized they are a toxic group and there is a lot of drama between them. - I suck at music and creative things. I don't have the time to practice art and music either - Im scared my boyfriend will turn on me because he talks to people who hate me. He is a sociable person, and sees people optimistically so he try to be friend with just about anyone. I love that about him. But i am scared he will see me as a bad person because, occasionally, he talks to some people that don't like me. - My grades are really shitty and i'm scared i will get put on academic probation, or that i won't get good internships/jobs and grad schools won't accept me and all my efforts will be in vain
vespxrs profile picture
Hi, I'm here
Depression Support / by vespxrs
Last post
 November 24th, 2019
...See more hey guys, i'm Nat. ive been struggling with depression since i was 14 (so about 5-6 years now) and recently it's gotten worse. i'm dealing with somethign traumatic that happened over the summer, as well as a really toxic home environment. it's also really hard to get up in the morning, or motivate myself to go to class and do assignments which is putting me behind in my classes... but i really can't find a reason to continue. i'm here to find some support, or even some friends. i hope i can find some peole who whill listen, or some people who can relate.
Search more from @vespxrs
Talk to an expert therapist
I am classically trained as a Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and...
Talk to Danielle Now
Badges & Awards
17 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Quintet Chief Chat Strong Start Reconnect First Post Reaching out Helping out Appreciated Voice First Compassion Member Oath Hangout Key Meet & Greet Teammate Forum Friend Support Key
Report an issue