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vincexid
1 55 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2020 Member sinceJanuary 8, 2020
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I'm afraid of what to do.
Eating Disorder Support / by vincexid
Last post
 January 8th, 2020
...See more I'm new on here and not sure where I shouldve posted this but I cried today because i do believe I'm suffering from a binge eating disorder and a couple other things. Over so many years, these thoughts have crossed my mind that something might be wrong with my mental health but I have never wanted to believe it or talk to someone. I've never openly talked about this stuff with my friends or family or thought about a therapist because I've kinda always thought these issues were minor and not as big as they may seem so I thought I would reach out here. Nothings in any particular order. I'm a fourth year university student trying to get into vet school. The main issue for me is that i might have an eating disorder, but I still dont want to believe it as that, more of just unhealthy eating patterns. For as long as I can remember my relationship with food and eating has been everywhere. Since I was a kid I would sneak junk food and soda and eat it alone and hide the evidence that I had the food and then get scolded by my parents. Ive hated the way my body has looked for so long, I'm overweight and have always wanted to lose weight for the longest time but have always gone into the cycle of eating healthy but then eating all this unhealthy food at night and feeling like crap. I go days where I wont eat anything all day but them get shakey at night and eat anything I can find. My weight has always fluctuated going up and down. I workout from time to time but I usually end up stopping when school picks up. I get so much comfort in eating food, I generally prefer to eat alone and I get very very stressed out when I have to eat alone in public or sometimes I just won't eat. I've tried many different diets trends over the years which have all failed and ended in me eating junk food and telling myself I will just start it up again next week. At one point in high school, for a couple days, I thought that if I threw up the food after I ate it I would feel full but not gain the calories and lose weight, which was very tiring and after looking things up doesnt help anything. I've always been told by friends and family that I eat a lot or if they have extra food that "they'll just eat it". My family has always commented about my weight and I would really just love for my stomach to be gone. I've gotten slightly better at controlling some of my urges but its hard.. The last major binge I can remember was in first year when I was overwhelmed with so much work that I wanted to drop out so I went to the grocery store, bought myself a huge amount of junk food and ate it in the dark and cried. My energy levels always feel like they're low and I wish I had the energy to do hobbies I used to love and not just want to sleep and eat all the time. There are a bunch of other issues but I feel like those are for different forum topics but... I don't want to live like this anymore and I'm afraid to talk to someone because I feel like my problems aren't worth the time and for as long as I remember I've always told myself that I would try to overcome it by myself and that I didn't need help. Thank you.
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