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violetskies99
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PathStep 7 Compassion hearts14 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2026 Member sinceJuly 18, 2015
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Moving on from a confusing hookup while having a mental illness
Relationship Stress / by violetskies99
Last post
 December 29th, 2023
...See more Earlier this year, I met a guy online who had claimed to not be interested in one-night stands (said he views them as a waste of time) but rather something casual and consistent, like FWB, since we lived so close to each other. With this in mind, we texted for over a month before meeting in person, as he had been traveling for work at the time, and during this time, he seemed engaged in our conversations and attentive, even sending a follow-up text if I wouldn't respond for a couple days. However, when we finally met in person, while we talked for a while before hooking up and our conversation flowed quite nicely, he was less engaged in the hookup portion than I had expected him to be based on his texts. After a week had gone by and I had started questioning whether I had done something wrong to lead to this sudden silence after weeks of texting, I decided to text him to get some clarity on where he was at and whether he wanted to meet up again, as he had mentioned wanting something consistent and I wanted to check-in. He began to go back on what he had initially said, claiming that he never wanted something consistent, due to unpredictable travel, and that he meets girls often (while also claiming that he can easily go months without seeing anyone at all). He also mentioned that he enjoys living spontaneously, and when I asked if he could communicate his availability more going forward, he said that's not something he does. I have since moved on and met someone much more emotionally available and capable of communicating, and we are in a more serious, albeit still new relationship. However, as someone with OCD, anxiety, and PMDD, I still find myself fixating on the man I met earlier this year, trying to somehow find closure and resolution. While there are times I feel better about how things went down and can accept it, it seems that he keeps finding his way back into my thoughts due to the negative emotions the aftermath of the encounter left me with. He was the first person I'd been with casually, and I felt like what he had led me to expect had been uprooted, impacting my self-confidence and mental health in ways that linger today. And truthfully, I really did like talking to him, and feel that I may bond better socially with those I’ve been intimate with. He was also the first person I’d spent time with in person (aside from family) for quite some time as I’d been home a lot during covid. Any suggestions on how to get this man out of my head? I've seriously considered reaching out to him again but two possibilities, equally with negative outcomes, linger in my head: 1) he has an avoidant attachment style and I won't get closure even if I reach out and try to talk to him or possibly even be friends, hoping to alter the negative light with which I view him, or 2) I did something to make him change his mind about having something consistent with me, but if he hasn't already said what, he probably won't at any other point in time. To someone without OCD, it may seem like I'm putting a lot of thought into this considering the nature of my relationship with him, but since I have also experienced relationship trauma, this was a trigger, and my mind wants a resolution so it can stop obsessing. Thanks for any suggestions you can provide!
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