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willingLand1603
139 M Embraced 1
PathStep 13 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2015 Member sinceSeptember 16, 2015
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Well I'm not sure how this really goes but....
Depression Support / by willingLand1603
Last post
 September 18th, 2015
...See more I feel like Ive always lived in a world where I see things differently. For the longest time, even some days now, I feel like I dont belong. And its not one of those dont belongs like, ‘People dont like me ‘I have no friends ‘People arent very accepting because thats not the case. In fact, I get a lot more attention than the average person (guessing due to my once uncommon multiracial look or the fact that I can basically have a conversation with a wall). Its a type of feeling like I was meant to be so much more in this world that what others strive to be. Maybe other people feel this way and I just seem to want to single out my ‘magnificent life. Maybe people who are incredibly successful feel this way too at some point in their lives. This isnt a speech to boast my unique qualities, but to help someone like myself realize their potential as well. Somewhere, done by someone theres a quote talking about how the most intelligent people suffer from the most difficult forms of depression or anxiety. Seeing the world differently than the other billions of people, who in some way form opinions from a generalized idea, can be very saddening and initially overwhelming. It's so hard dealing with my depression and my different mods, but it try everyday to battle through it and try not to lose myself. By all means, Im not the thickest book in the library but lately Ive felt like I think on a way different level than everyone. The feeling of not belonging does bring me down in the dumps from time to time, but Ive been trying to use that feeling and put it towards something positive. My mentality isnt to solve major global economic crises or become the breaking point on solving time travel because Im not that type of left-brain individual but I know Im here to change, inspire or influence something or someone in this world. I find life on a beautiful, ironic level. I feel so different because I feel like I dont get caught up on the same goals as everyone else. Being successful means more to me than the money in my bank account or the items that I own. And yes, eventually I do want to find my frog to kiss, start a family up and live without any doubt that I can take care of them but I find that very safe. I grew up with two working parents in the medical industry, so they were always busy. Carpooling was essential for my older brother and I, which gave me the opportunity to witness how other families also lived. Some found money to be the most important factor in their lives and others, like my own, found it to just be a means of survival. Ive always thought simply, thanks to my grandparents who raised me most of the time since a 9-6 work life was demanding of my parents. Happiness was found through the little things. Imagination sparked all my interests. Never has a material product( other than the ones that play my music) driven any importance in my life. Dont get me wrong, I fantasize about being a celebrity all the time. I would love for people to recognize who I am when I walk down the street, be endorsed by my favorite companies and receive free gifts but whats a world where people pay to be just like me, look just like me, follow all the trends…just like me and still dont live the lavish life..well, like me? I want to live in a world where wealth is shared. Yes, people work hard for the money they earn and duh, people dont work at all and expect to be given a handout but Ive seen both sides of the story and life means so much more than us individually. Its a if one moment in time people just forgot what were all here for, what life and everything around us is for--- and its growth. Really, truly finding ourselves. Jay-Z said, We are all exceptional people, God created each and everyone of us that way. We just need to find that in ourselves, find what we love. I honestly believe if I can help someone challenge their norm and genuinely become the person they want to be internally, not based of what society thinks is the real definition of successful or beautiful, I would live the happiest life. Why wouldnt I want to share my happiness? Why wouldnt I want other to feel the same way? Why would I want others to feel like they cant keep up, when at birth we all started the same. Life has begun to shape us instead of the other way around. And its physically and mentally makes me sad and drains me. Its something I cant get away from.
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