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willinggrapes
1,604 M Little Steps 6
PathStep 52 Compassion hearts109 Forum posts34 Forum upvotes40 Current upvotes40 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2023 Member sinceMarch 17, 2022
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Procrastination
General Support / by willinggrapes
Last post
 December 28th, 2022
...See more Hi all! During these holidays, I’ve been finding myself procrastinating tasks such as cleaning my room and watering my plants, and I end up not doing it at all when I wanted to finish the task on a certain day. Usually, what goes through my head when I begin to procrastinate a task is that I will leave it to do it on a “special occasion”. E.g., I want to clean my room today, but I’ve decided I’m going to do it at the end of this week so I can create a fresh start for the next week (and this is when it becomes a cycle because I don’t end up cleaning my room at the end of the week) And recently, I’ve found myself procrastinating (in a way) important things like sleep, taking a shower, etc. I say in a way because I do end up doing it each day. I just leave it until it’s very late at night, e.g. I want to take a shower earlier so I can sleep earlier, but I end up showering a lot later than expected because I don’t have the energy to get up and shower AND I want to sleep early because I have work tomorrow morning, but I stay up late in the end scrolling through social media because I don’t want to close my eyes and sleep. When I do procrastinate, I end up watching YouTube or scrolling through socials. And I can’t seem to stop. It’s like I want to keep myself busy so I don’t have to do these tasks. Hopefully this makes sense to you all, I know it may sound a bit confusing. it‘s a pretty big problem to me because I can’t seem to find a way out of this cycle. Does anyone have any tips on how to break the cycle, or things I can do to help me do these tasks early on during the day?
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My ex’s past crush?
Relationship Stress / by willinggrapes
Last post
 November 14th, 2022
...See more Hello! My ex broke up with me 2 months ago. He had a crush on my best friend before we got together, but stopped liking her because she already had a boyfriend at the time. My best friend never had feelings for him and probably never will because she has a new boyfriend now and my ex doesn’t seem like her type. Anyways, ever since the break up I feel like I’ve been constantly comparing myself to my best friend, and rather jealous of her personality in a way. And whenever I see or imagine both my best friend and ex in the same area, it makes me feel really anxious, even if they’re not interacting or talking to each other at all. Just the idea/seeing them in the same place makes me feel anxious, and I don’t really understand this. For example, my best friend told me that my ex and his friend came by to where she works. He didn’t order anything, he was just mildly teasing her with his friend for a few minutes and left the store. This made me feel frustrated, sad, upset, jealous?, and anxious. I don’t want my ex’s life or feelings to concern me anymore. And I want to move on from him. But feelings like these are concerning atm. I’m not sure if it’s normal, or if I have to dig a little deeper to move on from him.
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How do I emotionally detach from someone I love/d?
Relationship Stress / by willinggrapes
Last post
 October 18th, 2022
...See more Hello! if anyone has any suggestions, please tell. my ex broke up with me over a month ago. I see him at school 5 times a week, and it’s like every little thing he does concerns me. I can’t bear the thought of him falling in love with someone else, and in the very back of my mind, I think that this breakup is only temporary, not permanent. Over these past months of getting to understand myself more, I’ve realised that I strongly emotionally attach myself to things, people, and memories that make or made me happy, and it’s hard for me to detach - more like I don’t know how to detach. does anyone know how I can start this detachment process? Especially from someone I loved and saw a future with who I see at school nearly everyday?
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Coping methods?
Relationship Stress / by willinggrapes
Last post
 October 4th, 2022
...See more Hello, my bf broke up with me a month ago. I see him at school, 10 minutes during each morning (roll class), and 3 days a week for an hour (chemistry class). It really hurts when I see him, and it’s like I’m starting from scratch all over again whenever I do see him. When I’m away from him physically, sometimes I feel like I can get through this, but when I see him at school, it’s like all my hope disappears and I begin missing him more and more. I don’t want to talk to him ever again (except during class work where conversations are only related to certain projects), but it still hurts seeing him in person and feeling his presence in a way. Sometimes when I realise he is nearby, I feel the need to impress him in away to bring his attention to me with an aim to make him miss me (and change his mind about breaking up with me). Does anyone know how to stop doing this? Overall, is there any coping methods or reminders I can give myself to help with my healing and grief process when I see him at school every week?
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??
Relationship Stress / by willinggrapes
Last post
 October 3rd, 2022
...See more Hello, I’m in this state of confusion. I want to ask my ex for a second chance, but at the same time I’m scared that I’ll miss out on an opportunity to find someone who may fit me more in the future? I just feel selfish for wanting more in a person, and I feel like maybe I should just be more grateful for my ex (if we do agree to get back together). And maybe me and my ex might actually work out in the future. So now, I’m not sure what to do.
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I need some advice
Relationship Stress / by willinggrapes
Last post
 September 17th, 2022
...See more Hello people, My boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago. I’ve been having the urge to message him, because I realised that I’ve probably broken the relationship. I asked him for more affection (more words of affirmation because that’s his love language - and he used to give it to me a lot during the first few stages of the relationship and it died down after a few months because he became more comfortable). But I asked him if I can receive more affection, and I feel like that was wrong of me or that I insulted him because I feel like he might have felt like what he did wasn’t enough for me. He was passive aggressive at times when I wanted to communicate, and was only passive aggressive because he thought that some of my texts seemed passive aggressive (I didn’t know he saw them as passive aggressive). And he doesn’t really initiate conversations like that. I also asked if he can initiate plans because I found myself initiating them more. I still love him a lot, and I want to give the relationship another go. But I’m not sure if I should, or if it’s the right decision.
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Should I reach out to him?
Relationship Stress / by willinggrapes
Last post
 September 9th, 2022
...See more I know I sent a thread before this haha I want to message my ex. I don’t know if I was the one that sabotaged the relationship, but I want to help fix the issue. He said he was unmotivated to keep the relationship going and couldn’t provide for me. He said he still likes me but he said I deserve more than what he’s giving me. I feel like it’s my fault because I kept bringing up my insecurities (twice) and my overthinking once - I’ve mistaken my overthinking with not feeling connected to my partner (therefore, I told him that I felt like I couldn’t connect with him and he got mad at me for telling him this because he felt the opposite). He did start to feel distant after this, and I had to ask him if he was okay - he doesn’t initiate serious conversations like this. And so, I asked for more affection (like words of affirmation because that’s his main love language - but I haven’t been receiving that for a while) and him initiating more plans - but I know that it was hard for him to actually hang out more with me because he was busy and it was difficult to ask his parents so I said I understood if he couldn’t. I initiated more serious conversations - like what his triggers are, etc, because he’s been more passive aggressive with me - so I thought he wasn’t the type to initiate these conversations. A few days after I initiated those serious conversations, he broke up with me and said all that. I feel like it’s my fault, and I don’t want to look back from the future and regret me sabotaging the relationship and not fixing it. So, is it right for me to message him? It’s been over a week since the break up. I want to suggest a break rather than a break up. Is it worth reaching out to him like this?
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Some recommendations if any would be lovely :)
Relationship Stress / by willinggrapes
Last post
 September 8th, 2022
...See more Hi wonderful people! Ive mentioned on this thread before that my bf broke up with me - because he couldn’t provide for me and didn’t want to lead me on I saw a future with him and I wanted him! Although, I do admit it was difficult to communicate with him to the point where he becomes passive aggressive and I would have to constantly ask him if he was okay - I resented him for this, and I did think about parting ways with him (it was an on and off idea) for a month. But I did want things to work out because I loved him for who he was, and therefore communicated with him often so I can understand him better (I particularly communicated with him a lot more on slightly more serious topics a week before the break up because he seemed more passive aggressive and distant - which in my opinion, think it was the reason for the break up) It’s been over a week already, and I’m not crying my eyes out or anything, and I don’t feel immensely sad (like in some of those break up videos). I think I don’t feel that immense sadness because I knew I was already unhappy in the relationship, but I still love him and want him. I cried my eyes out for the first 3 days or something, but after that I’ve just felt a bit depressed or just a bit nostalgic, like I miss him but I also don’t? I just don’t feel immensely sad. This might sound weird or maybe you won’t understand what I’m saying, but I’ve been scared that I’ve been trying to deny my feelings or hold my emotions back without realising it - so I’m scared that it’s going to end up coming back to me in the future and breaking me when I think of him and see him again (overall, I don’t think I’m holding back any emotions? I don’t know anymore..) I think I might also be holding on to a bit of hope that he might come back and be with me and I know it’s dangerous but I really don’t know how to get rid of this hope. Does anyone have any recommendations as to how I can stop hoping or at least fade the idea of him coming back?
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