Currently I am a hot mess.  Disabled from a stroke and my heart is shattered because my husband had an emotional affair a year ago and I can't forget it.  The infidelity has been the hardest for me, worse than the stroke, worse than my parents being gone.  I feel suffocated at my inability to let it go.  The hurt is smothering me and all I do is cry.  I feel so inadequate to my disabilities.   I can't compete with able bodied women, porn stars.  He is trying, I think.  The affair was 3 months long and he confessed.  I told him he had to choose me or her that he couldn't have both of us.  It took him a couple of weeks to completely end it.  He gave me 100% access to his phone.  But it only helps a bit.  My anxiety is severe and my stroke ravaged brain creates one scenario after the other of the other woman and him betraying me.  I cannot turn it off.  I can't sleep. I want us to repair our relationship. He says he does too.  I am struggling.😢