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yellowEyes4455
447 M Embraced 3
PathStep 27 Compassion hearts15 Forum posts21 Forum upvotes23 Current upvotes23 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2020 Member sinceSeptember 20, 2018
Bio

I'm 18 years old, autistic, and honestly just a nervous bean who pours her heart into every friendship.

Recent forum posts
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What kinds of abuse is this?
Trauma Support / by yellowEyes4455
Last post
 March 23rd, 2021
...See more So I know I'm being abused at this point... I just need clarification about the kinds of abuse I'm facing. It's unclear to me, aside from the emotional abuse and the rarely physical abuse. My parents have: Claimed that my phone and laptop belong to them, and demand that I pay them 1000+ dollars to 'own' my stuff. They often threaten to break my stuff too if I don't comply with them (this is their default reaction, btw). And yes, they HAVE actually broken my stuff. My dad threw my laptop down the stairs once. My dad has said to my face that he's had to restrain himself from beating me up. My dad frequently twists my arms and such in the name of 'rough housing' and then acts like I'm being dramatic every single time I say ow. He once cancelled an outing with me because I told him off for pulling on my hair and not taking my pain seriously. My mom has called me selfish for talking to her about having self harm fantasies. (Before anyone suggests a hotline, I'm not actively suicidal - I haven't seriously done harm to myself in years). My mother often plays down my dad's yelling at me, trying to say that he does it because he's worried about me. My dad just last night yelled at me, saying that I'm going to end up a failure, I'm wasting my potential, and it spurred the first panic attack I've had in a year. My mom has slapped me before, on my arm, when I try to push her away from my computer due to the above issues I've mentioned involving that. My mom has smacked my electronic out of my hands or lap. Most of this I believe falls under emotional abuse, but I'm unsure about what the 'your electronics belong to me so I can do whatever and you can't stop me' thing falls under. Thoughts?
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Been anxious for a few days now
Anxiety Support / by yellowEyes4455
Last post
 November 4th, 2018
...See more Okay so, I've been dealing with what I guess I can call intrusive thoughts(?) for the past three days. They're all about this old friend of mine who I fell out of contact with a few years ago. We used to be close, but at the same time... she was very draining to be around, because she was actively suicidal and back then I wasn't emotionally or mentally equipped to handle that. She'd go through periods where she'd block everyone and think really hard about suicide, and that'd cause a lot of panic attacks for me. And she was very pessimistic to the point that she never tried to get better (as far as I'm aware). In retrospect she wasn't very healthy to be around, even if we were close. So, my question is, is there any suggestions on how to get past this "brain wall" I guess?? I don't know if I wanna contact her again (I think that'd be too stressful) but I just... I was okay until a few days ago. brain please stop being like this
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Is this abuse or am I overreacting...?
Trauma Support / by yellowEyes4455
Last post
 October 3rd, 2018
...See more So, my parents can be kinda aggressive sometimes... they never hit me or anything, but they claim that the computer is ruining my emotional state and then proceed to not listen to what I have to say. Dad's given me a panic attack on purpose and has broken my laptop before, and mom insists that I could've had it so much worse and often uses dad's anger as a threat to get me to do stuff. I can't tell if I'm crazy or if it's actually abuse... is it??
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