yep8 Member Profile

...See more Hello everyone, I am here because I am going through a burn out. The doctor said it started 3 months ago, when I was still working as an intern for some organisation. I was hired to conduct a study in another country during 4 months and write the study report the last month. In the middle of the last month, I presented the first conclusions of the study and went back to my home country, as it was planned, and I was supposed to finish the report. When I arrived at home, I was completely exhausted. I saw a doctor and ran several medical exams that were all clear. That doctor just told me to sleep and prescribed me some medication that was supposed to boost me for a little time so I could be able to finish the report. But that never happened. The harder I tried to finish the report, the more I got exhausted. I couldn't think well, I fell asleep on my work, I had other health problems.... I was actually falling further into burn out. One day I couldn't take it anymore, I had enough with the work, tiredness, the sadness, I wanted to throw everything away and disappear. I went to see another doctor, who diagnosed a burn out and testified it by an offical letter. It was a relief, but a half one. I Informed my university that I was dropping the chances to validate the internship, so I didn't graduate. I informed the organisation I worked for that I needed a delay for the report because of what I was going through. The organisation agreed to give me 2 weeks off and then get back to the report. At that time I was not under internship contract anymore since the ending date was 31st of September. But since that break I have never been able to open my professional inbox. I just couldn't. Each time I tried to get back to do it or get back to work, I got extremely nervous, nauseous, dizzy, sleepy, I got pain in my body, and it is still the case. The doctor said that it means it is not time yet to go back to work. But very recently I received an e-mail from the head of the master program from the university blaming me for undermining the master program reputation and commanding me to reply to the organisation and write the report. Everything I have tried to do during the last two weeks fell apart; I mean I am falling appart again. I managed to get back to normal sleep, sleep a bit well (if I can say so because I never forget that I have the report to write and I have feel guily about that), and calmed myself down a bit. I finally got brave enough to open my professional inbox and I could see that my ex-boss is actually worried, not about me, but about not getting the report (actually she is worried about herself having to justify the budget for the study if she cannot provide a report to the donors. But since the study was given to me, an intern, I don't think the organisation will care so much about the results because they already know what I was supposed to find out). Sorry for the long story but I needed to write it because it looks like, except my doctor, nobody can understand what I am going through. I know that I have professional responsability, I never meant to run away from it, I just can't because of the burn out condition and I can understand that my ex-boss is getting scared, but I need help to explain my situation to her, more rationally and briefly because she doesn't understand what going through burn out means. In her emails I recently read, she put pressure on me each time to provide some work but it is counterproductive because I cannot handle pressure anymore, my body let me lnow that, and each time she does it, each time it gets worse. So please, whoever has the time and energy to read my long post, can you help me, or give hints about what to do because I am lost, I don't know what to do. Thanks

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