Let's have a good conversation, shall we?
Welcome to 7 cups! I personally love 7 cups. In a world where everyone is connected to everyone else, it's very easy to feel disconnected and isolated.
When life doesn't go our way, when something unpleasant happens, when we need to vent, or.... we're just bored and want to have a friendly conversation . . . our Friends and Family are not very useful. It happens, it's not their fault. They are not "equipped" to deal with us when we need to talk about something a bit deeper, and - even less so - when we have a serious problem in our life.
The listeners at 7 Cups fill that void.
We, the listeners in here, voluntarily signed up for this, and got "some" training in being listeners.
But make no mistakes:
- we are not therapists, the web site at times it's confusing, and in my experience some users believe that listeners are therapists. We are not. We're just regular people.
- we are not miracle workers. We listen. We might interject something, we might address your questions, we can engage in conversations with you, but . . . we're just humans after all, expect no miracles.
- we're not perfect. Really. A good conversation between two people has a lot to do with "chemistry". At times chemistry doesn't happen, and that's OK. When this happens, do not hesitate to propose to end the chat and seek another listener; this way you can get your chat time with someone more in tune with your needs/wants; and free up that listener for someone else with whom they will be more in tune as well.
I enjoy being a listener in here, and I understand that your problems are important, very important; so if I am here I don't multi-task, I chat with 1-2 people max and I am not busy doing anything else; this way I can be responsive to our chats.
I ask you to do the same, your time is just as valuable as mine. If you're in the middle of too many things, multitasking AND you want to get some support in here . . . everyone will have a bad time. You deserve better. Make an appointment with yourself, make some time, free up your schedule and have a session with 7 cups; take the time to browse the listeners database, pick the one(s) that you feel will give you the best session, and ... chat away. Once a chat is over, feel free to start a new chat with a different listener? It's good to have different perspective and souding boards!
I have been a listener for a while here, and I have come up with a short list of eqtiquette that will help us both have a meaningful and useful chat:
- if you get busy or no longer want to chat, it's OK. Just say so. Ghosting is rude; I won't do it to you, so.... neither should you.
- I believe in the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".
- NO CUT & PASTE WALL OF TEXT! This is a place where to have a conversation, polite and respectful, and respect goes both ways. Think of it that you're hanging out with a friend, you talk, I talk; we go back and forth with the conversation. While hanging out with your friends, you do NOT pull out a 24 pages printout with what you have to say, do you? So, DO NOT do that to me. It shows that you're not respectful and you're just jumping from listener to listener searching for someone who validates what's already in your mind, or you're looking to cause trouble. Either way, you and I are not a good match, please move onto a new different listener.
- My goal with each and every chat is to provide you with some comfort and relief. It helps if you ask yourself what is the goal for this chat. And ... shooting the breeze and just chat is also a good and valid goal. Why not?
About me:
I am a bit older then the average user at 7 cup, I am 50-something, male, living in the US (East Coast / EST), twice married / twice divorced; and currently dating.
I've been around the block a few times, and survived with a few scars to show off.
I am a good conversationalist which means I am a good listener, introvert personality (INFJ) I enjoy deep meaningful conversations as well as lighthearted ones depending on the situation. I enjoy living a creative life as an Artist and I believe that Life itself is the outmost form of Art.
I have direct relevant experience in relationships, breakups, marriage troubles, divorce, infidelity, affairs, addictions, career development, entrepreneurship, job hunting, and the ultimate search for happiness.
I am an Artist and I enjoy talking with other Artists and Entrepreneurs about the challenges of putting ourselves "out there", every single day; and yet we do it with a smile because that is who we truly are deep down inside our persona. After decades of Severe Clinical Depression, I have "beat depression" and I am now virtually Depression-Free. Long and hard work starting with - but not limited to - talk therapy with a psychologists, and a bit of luck paid off. It was not easy, still it's not easy; it was hard and still it's hard; it was a long but well worth the effort. If I can do it, you can do it too.
After I beat Depression I realized that I had G.A.D. (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), I probably had it all along in combination with my Depression. My GAD manifested primarily with constant procrastination especially about my creative efforts. I tackled my G.A.D. the same way I tackled my Depression:
- Seeing my therapist once a week for my G.A.D. and for what I call "general maintenance";
- Also reading/studying as much as I could about Anxiety and G.A.D. and I try to read science-based articles / book written by mental health professionals, and I stay away from new age/self help stuff;
- I writing/journaling on a daily basis, I journal about my thoughts / feelings and then I review my writing and challenge myself to view Reality for what it is: Reality; and often I realize that my thoughts / feelings are misplaced and figure out a way to correct my future behavior accordingly. I also write about Art, Business, Creativity and Life in general.
IF you have Depression and/or Anxiety and you're not seeing a therapist... beware that - left untreated - Depression and Anxiety get worse and worse and at some point take over the control of someone's life.
THE FOLLOWING IS AN EXPERIEMENT:
Since you're (stil) reading this it means that you like to prepare and plan, which is good. So, how about plan our chat?
Ask yourself: what is that I (I = you, ther reader) want from this chat?
Are you here because of an emergency? Your world is falling apart and you need a friendly chat? That's fine. Just tell me so.
Do you need someone to vent to your frustrations? That's fine. Just tell me so.
Do you need "advice" ? Well, you might be in the wrong place. Giving advice is frawn upon on 7 Cups, and I wholeheartedly agree on that. You and only you know your situation best; nobody else does, and nobody else can tell you what to do. Despair not, this is where 7 Cups can help you: Often times clarity arizes just by verbalizing a situation; just tell me what happened that brought you here, if appropriate I might ask some probing questions to make you thing deeper about both your feelings/perceptions and the facts/reality of the situation; so that you can reconcile both. Moreover chances are that you already know what to do, which can fall into one of three actions: stop it, continue it, or ... try something different.
If you need help with a problem, just say so, we can talk about it, and - chances are - there are a set of possible solutions out there.
If you need help with a situation, just say so, we can talk about it, and - chances are - there are a set of possible solutions out there.
The difference between a problem and a situation? Simple. A problem is something that you are about to tackle in the future, nothing has happened just yet. A situation is the result of something that has already happened. Knowing the difference between the 2 makes all the difference.
Or, you can be here just to shoot the breeze, we can chat about the most mundane things like the weather (I love the summer), music (I love Classic Rock) or food (I love Italian food) or whatever else; keep in mind that I am a "listener", so my primary role is to listen to you, interjecting if appropriate, asking probing questions to make you reflect more.
Looking forward to chatting with you.
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