4. Say what you want rather than what you don’t want

If you would like for someone to change their behaviors towards you, tell them what you would like to see rather than what you don’t want to see. One principle of behavior is that we cannot not be doing something. In other words, we are always doing something. When we tell someone what not to do in a relationship, we fail to clarify what we want to see instead. For example, you could say “When you speak to me, please lower the volume,” rather than “Quit yelling at me!”