8l1v1aA Member Profile

...See more i m in a long distance relationship since 4 months ago, its a healthy one and this boy treats me like no one did. in the past i used to be a horible person because i used drugs,nicotine,alcohol, i had a toxic ex and it was such a horible matter of time but it turns out everything was just a lesson. i told this to my bf in the beggining and he felt a little bad but he chose to trust me and love me the most and think that i m not that person anymore. and im not, i dont smoke anymore, i dont drink anymore, i dont do drugs no more, i have better habits since being with him. but 2 days ago i had a party and i ve been with a few classmates (specifically 3 boys and a girl). i wanna say that when my boyfriend went to a party he called me and texted me and told me he loced a hundred times when he was drunk there and only hang out w the boys. i didnt do it 2 days ago, and even more i kinda betrayed him. 1 guy told me im his gf tonight and i laughed and told him to buy me drinks then. another one was drunk and came to hug me and told me he s drunk and i hugged him back and told him to go vomit,then he dissapeared. so i went looking out for him on a walk with another boy classmate holding hands because i was drunk too and i almost fell. these are the worst things i ve done. plus my awesome bf doesnt deserve this. when i was going home a number kept calling me. i didnt figure it out first because i was drunk but somebody kept saying "let me ride you home",when i figured it out it was my ex i quickly hang up. i told my boyfriend every detail he fel betrayed and told me he s been too good to me and i didnt deserve it, and he chose to forgive me instead of breaking ups with me, but he made me promise i wont drink again at parties, he blame me i have no control, said something like i was a *** and he is being extra cold we barely talk and i understand this and im being patient with him but i dont know how to handle all at a time:the regret for doin this to him and also myself, for ruinning everything we built in 4 months, the trust he has no more, the blaming. its overwhelming i dont know what to do im feeling awful

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