AJokerWithNoHarleyQuinn Member Profile

...See more Um, hi. I'm a 24 year old guy living in a small town that I hate with a really good job that I can't stand. Most of my memories growing up are of me walking around in the blistering heat of the southwest depressed out of my freaking mind. Depression for me is like being sick and not being able to think clearly. When I was younger I would get obsessed and fall in love with any girl that acknowledged my existence. I always knew that my mind was sick and I believed that if this one girl liked me that it would make the sickness go away. And the reason I felt like that is because if the girl gave me even a small bit of attention I felt so good that it felt like it was going away. So that shit felt real. It felt real! So then I'm watching all these movies like "Love Conquers All" or whatever, and I'm thinking "that's the truth." So for years I wondered around looking for that special someone and having unrealistic goals about how love works. despite it being one of my main focuses in life I have never had a girlfriend. And honestly I don't know if I ever will. I don't want to be super dramatic here but honestly I've become so cold and closed off that I can't see myself ever letting someone in. I don't even know why I'm posting this, because I know the default response is to say "don't worry you'll find someone when you least expect it." But I really don't want to hear that.

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