Achilles9505 Member Profile

...See more Hey guys, Achilles here. So 3 years ago, I was a pretty normal dude, I had friends, many friends, I had just entered college and I was enjoying this new experience. A pretty normal, linear life which I enjoyed. I didn't believe in love, I thought just a gimmick in Hollywood romantic movies and exaggerated books. I made fun of my friends who were having issues with love. I was pretty good around girls, made them laugh and stuff but never felt anything towards them, like the need to be in a relationship. To me, they didn't have any differences from my guy friends so it didn't make sense to be more than friends with any of them. TL;DR, I wasn't depressed, I had friends, didn't believe in love 3 years ago. Until I met this shy girl who was always in the library and didn't spend more than 2-3 minutes on the campus each day. At first, it was just a curiosity, the interest to solve the air of mystery around her, but as I followed her on Instagram and found out that she and I agree on many, MANY things, I kind of started liking her. I was the first guy she was talking to and she was the first girl that I enjoyed talking to. we talked online for god knows how many hours every night about almost anything you can think of. I can't explain the whole thing since it's a 3-year story, but to cut to the chase, she said and did stuff that made me think she's taken a liking to me, whereas in truth, she hadn't. I was just an attention source for her. She talked to me and spent time with me when her other friends were unavailable, but outright ignored me when she could have fun someplace else. In the other hand, I had fallen deeply for her, ironic right? Someone who doesn't believe in love gets stuck in a one-sided love. I gathered up my courage and told her about my feelings, but she just said that I'm a friend and she likes me as a friend. Yep, Friendzoned. and that's how things have been during the last 3 years. I love her, she doesn't. I did everything in my power for her, as a lover, as a friend; I don't know what to call myself anymore, but nothing has changed for me. For her though, the shy girl is no more, she's now dating dudes for the kick of it, her appearance, the way she talks and dresses have changed drastically and basically nothing has remained from the girl I thought I knew, but I still can't stop loving her, I think about her all the time, I get nervous around her and seeing her with other dudes makes me feel like a knife is being driven into my heart. The last time we talked, (2 nights ago) she jokingly told me that I need to move on, but she knows that I can't, otherwise I would've done so in the course of the past 3 years. I feel tired and sleepy all the time, I have no goal, no hope for the future, I feel like I don't deserve love and friends, I can't communicate with people and my family like I used to, I enjoy being lonely and listening to sad music more than everything, I can't eat properly, I can't sleep properly and I can't focus on anything which has pushed me to the brink of being dropped out of college. But when I'm talking to her or when she's paying attention to me, I feel like a god or something. When she doesn't or ignores me or treats me bad, I feel like life itself has ended and I shouldn't be alive anymore. Don't fall in love when you haven't given them the chance to prove that they love you. Don't end up like me.

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