3 Years of hell
Hey guys, Achilles here. 
So 3 years ago, I was a pretty normal dude, I had friends, many friends, I had just entered college and I was enjoying this new experience. A pretty normal, linear life which I enjoyed. I didn't believe in love, I thought just a gimmick in Hollywood romantic movies and exaggerated books. I made fun of my friends who were having issues with love. I was pretty good around girls, made them laugh and stuff but never felt anything towards them, like the need to be in a relationship. To me, they didn't have any differences from my guy friends so it didn't make sense to be more than friends with any of them. TL;DR, I wasn't depressed, I had friends, didn't believe in love 3 years ago.
Until I met this shy girl who was always in the library and didn't spend more than 2-3 minutes on the campus each day. At first, it was just a curiosity, the interest to solve the air of mystery around her, but as I followed her on Instagram and found out that she and I agree on many, MANY things, I kind of started liking her. I was the first guy she was talking to and she was the first girl that I enjoyed talking to. we talked online for god knows how many hours every night about almost anything you can think of.
I can't explain the whole thing since it's a 3-year story, but to cut to the chase, she said and did stuff that made me think she's taken a liking to me, whereas in truth, she hadn't. I was just an attention source for her. She talked to me and spent time with me when her other friends were unavailable, but outright ignored me when she could have fun someplace else. In the other hand, I had fallen deeply for her, ironic right? Someone who doesn't believe in love gets stuck in a one-sided love. I gathered up my courage and told her about my feelings, but she just said that I'm a friend and she likes me as a friend. Yep, Friendzoned.
and that's how things have been during the last 3 years. I love her, she doesn't. I did everything in my power for her, as a lover, as a friend; I don't know what to call myself anymore, but nothing has changed for me. For her though, the shy girl is no more, she's now dating dudes for the kick of it, her appearance, the way she talks and dresses have changed drastically and basically nothing has remained from the girl I thought I knew, but I still can't stop loving her, I think about her all the time, I get nervous around her and seeing her with other dudes makes me feel like a knife is being driven into my heart. The last time we talked, (2 nights ago) she jokingly told me that I need to move on, but she knows that I can't, otherwise I would've done so in the course of the past 3 years.
I feel tired and sleepy all the time, I have no goal, no hope for the future, I feel like I don't deserve love and friends, I can't communicate with people and my family like I used to, I enjoy being lonely and listening to sad music more than everything, I can't eat properly, I can't sleep properly and I can't focus on anything which has pushed me to the brink of being dropped out of college. But when I'm talking to her or when she's paying attention to me, I feel like a god or something. When she doesn't or ignores me or treats me bad, I feel like life itself has ended and I shouldn't be alive anymore.
Don't fall in love when you haven't given them the chance to prove that they love you. Don't end up like me.
Hi Achilles,
I'm so sorry to hear about your experiences over the last 3 years. Emotions and unbalanced relationships can affect us more than we realize sometimes and it seems like your unrequited love has taken a toll on you. You deserve care and love as much as anyone else so I hope that the forums, chatrooms and listeners here can help you let go of your feelings, even if the process is slow. Take care and best of luck.
@LilGreenBird
Hi LilGreenBird,
I really hope so too, even though I've been struggling a lot lately to control some of my emotions towards her and haven't been successful really... I just don't know if it's something someone can get away from after being trapped in it for 3 years
Hi @Achilles9505
It seems like the difficulty moving on is starting to make you feel hopeless. Although this 7cups guide was designed for breakups, it has general techniques for letting go of negative emotions. If you're interested here's the link: https://www.7cups.com/breakup-advice/
Such painful feelings can certainly seem impossible to let go of, especially since you mentioned it was the first time you had feelings for a girl.
When I feel trapped in my emotions, I try to remember that life is a lot longer than we think, and that when I'm 60 I won't be pining over the same person or hurting over a breakup I had when I was 20. I would have moved on well before then even though at the moment I might still in the process of letting go. It will definitely take time (and effort) to get the process going, but it will happen eventually.
@Achilles9505
Hi Achilles.
Sounds like you're having a really rough time there, I'm sorry it didn't work out for you. I'm not a miracle worker so I can't make you instantly feel better but if you need someone to talk about it more, just message me! Because "moving on" isn't that easy when you have nobody to support you or to rely on.
@Achilles9505
Oh no, that sounds so sad. I am sorry you are hurting because of this. I know it might seem like your sadness revolves around one person who can't love you back, but I know she means more than one person to you.
Based on experience, can only tell you that it will go off in time, be it 1 year or 10 years or 20 years, you might still remember her as the girl you once loved but the hurt will definitely decrease in time.
Feel free to PM me if you ever need someone to listen.
All the best!
