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AdmiralSnuggles
663 M Embraced 5
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts19 Forum posts13 Forum upvotes17 Current upvotes17 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2020 Member sinceFebruary 9, 2018
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How do I let my guard down and stop being scared all the time?
Anxiety Support / by AdmiralSnuggles
Last post
 July 19th, 2018
...See more Hello, my issue is that I'm always so paranoid of someone watching me and that something terrible is going to happen to me. I got out of a really bad place about 4 years ago (I won't go into the whole thing just one detail that I think is relevant.) I lived with a very bad and unstable person for a year and some months. She installed big noticable cameras throughout the house to keep an eye on me and my family while she was away. (I still don't know if they were fakes meant to scare us, or if she actually watched us through the cameras but it always felt like she could see me.) Ever since me and my family got out of that place and into our new home I still haven't been able to shake the feeling of dread she instilled in me. Everyday I check to make sure my doors are locked so no one can get in. I'm afraid to put headphones on or have my tv/computer volume too loud just in case I can't hear someone come in. I always feel like I'm doing something horribly wrong and hide whatever it is I'm doing and I make up an excuse in my head just in case they question me. Just an hour ago I had my headphones on listening to music with my door closed and my dad walked in and tapped on my shoulder and scared the hell out of me on accident. He came in to say goodnight but after he left I broke down crying and I don't know why. I'm always so afraid that the person I lived with is going to come rushing through my door and get me! I can't wear stupid headphones because then I'm vulnerable! I know my dad didn't mean to frighten me, i'm just so on edge all the time!! What can I do to let this horrible dread go? How can I relax when I won't be aware of what's going on around me? Should I talk to someone? What should I do? Thank you for any help you can give.
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Pareidolia/visual illusions?
General Support / by AdmiralSnuggles
Last post
 August 14th, 2020
...See more I've been trying to figure out what i've been living with for 6+ months (& when i was a child I dealt w/it for YEARS but it went away and now its back so fml i guess) and i think i've got a new lead. To save you the google search heres the definition "Pareidolia: is a psychological phenomenon in which the mind responds to a stimulus, usually an image or a sound, by perceiving a familiar pattern where none exists." For awhile I thought i was hallucinating or something because everday, 24 hours a day 7 days a week, I see this stupid pattern in every object that isn't detailess. It doesn't matter what I'm looking at, it WILL have this little mask looking face with eyes that STARE directly at me!! And the worst part is it can FEEL. It EMOTES. I spend most of my fricking day trying to appease this stupid little face, make sure its not angry, entertaining it, policing my thoughts so I don't let it know anything embarrassing/undesirable. It makes me feel ashamed or guilty for whatever im doing/thinking/feeling!! I feel like i have to justify everything I do all day long to MYSELF because I know it cant possibly be real! but it FEELS real!! I'm just so exahusted and frustrated. I just wish it would go away!! I tried telling my dad about this "thing" once and he wouldn't take me seriously so i've been trying to deal with it on my own but im at my fucking limit!! I'm sorry if this isn't very cohesive or well written but Im just so tired. I need help so badly. This little face I see seems to favor showing up in trees and floorboards. There are areas in my house where I see it all the time (my kitchen basically being a minefield) and I try to cover it with things so I dont have to see it. But! the problem with that is it will show up somewhere else! I covered my floor with a rug and guess who moved to the ceiling a couple hours later? this stupid mask looking face! I swear to god all it does is listen to me think all day and if I do anything it doesn't like it judges me. like it gives me extreme anxiety, my stupid brain treats it like a person even though I know logically it cant be. "I don't know what to do anymore" is a tired phrase but it's true. If anyone out there has experienced this and can help me get rid of it or at least manage it, that would be beyond awesome. thank you to whoever read this whole jumble of text its okay if you can't help I just need to tell somebody.
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