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Ahmedjojo39
2 60 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2025 Member sinceNovember 22, 2020
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Why I’m close to ending it all
Depression Support / by Ahmedjojo39
Last post
 July 6th, 2025
...See more You might think it’s a small thing — not worth suffering over. But please believe me: when an Egyptian man comes to Reddit to speak honestly, it’s probably one step before suicide. Why am I suicidal? Because I feel like a failure in everything — even in things I never chose for myself. I’m 31 years old. I live in Egypt. I’m Muslim. But deep inside, my truth is something I can never speak out loud in a conservative Arab Muslim society. Since puberty, I’ve had submissive fantasies. I always dreamed of belonging to a powerful woman — being her sissy, obeying her, being humiliated and punished by her — but loved by her, too. I wanted mutual love, care, and ownership. That was my dream. But after years of trying to find a woman who would accept me in Egypt or anywhere in the Arab world, all I got was mockery, disgust, and rejection — especially because I also suffer from sexual dysfunction. I’m still a complete virgin. Every time I opened up to a woman, I was terrified she might expose me. In my society, if someone found out, I could be disowned or even attacked. They would see me as less of a man — or even accuse me of being gay, which in my country, is dangerous. I tried to talk to women from the West — Europe, the US, or Canada — through dating and femdom apps. But most of them were either looking for money, or blocked me as soon as they knew I was from the Middle East. And moving to a place like that? For someone like me, with no money, no power, and no connections? That’s just a fantasy. Which brings me to failure number two. I’m unemployed. I worked for over five years in copywriting — a job I truly loved, even though I studied law. I even took courses to improve myself. But I lost my job over two years ago and haven’t been able to get another one since. With the economy in Egypt falling apart, I feel like I either need to learn a whole new skill or trade... or disappear. But after trying again and again, I’ve run out of energy. I’m lost. I’m broken. I’m sick — not just emotionally, but physically too. Because of the depression and constant stress, I became addicted to painkillers and antidepressants. Now I have health problems in my gallbladder, stomach, and kidneys. I barely eat. I live in my room, alone, even though I live with my family. They don’t know who I really am. I have no friends. I follow a strict, limited diet, and most food is off-limits for me. So let me summarize everything with a simple equation — and you can guess the final result: Still a virgin Can’t travel Will never marry or find a woman in my country who accepts a submissive man like me No woman abroad wants someone like me either Unemployed Don’t know what to learn or do next Sick and mostly stuck in bed = … ?
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