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AliceJoe
81 M Embraced
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2021 Member sinceFebruary 10, 2021
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She/Her

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Mindless rambles and ranting about friends and stuff i guess
Depression Support / by AliceJoe
Last post
 February 23rd, 2021
...See more Hi im new here and lately these past weeks felt tiring, not rlly tiring as wanting to sleep but like no motivation type. Idk it just feels like im just living?? That sounded wrong but like I just been feeling rlly numb, i talk to my friends and be rlly chaotic and extroverted but afterwards i kinda cringe at my behavior and i sometimes think i fake it since it's what people expect to me to be. Happy and silly. But idk how to put it I rlly just want to be alot most of the time. My friends sees me as loud and eccentric. But once im alone im just quiet and numb i guess?? Sometimes i want to leave all my friends because i dont think i can hold a friendship up until a year or two it depends if we're classmates. I think to myself that they'll get tired of me and drop our friendship, so I'm kinda doing that. I deliberately ignore my friends because I also got bored of them. I have a friend (who is my ex but i broke up with her since i lost feelings and didnt want to lie to her) told me that she still liked me and dont see her life without me in it. And tbh i was so ready to end our friendship there because wtff me?? You cant see your life without me?? (Maybe i have some commitment issues idk) but I didnt told her that but i did told her that i didnt reciprocate her feelings and she is very understanding of that (she is the nicest i swear she deserves someone better then me to date) and i just i dont know. I feel like i can live without friends. I can function without making friends, friends are nice but they all leave eventually so why cling to them? I dont know i just wanna be alone. I dont eat much these days because i feel so lazy. I havent done any work yet and ive been thinking of ending myself alot, but you know why cant i be happy? I can buy stuff i want and i am rlly happy whenever i dress up in aesthetic wear and do makeup, and feel like all my problems are nothing and im the queen of my world. But it always come back to this. Feeling unmotivated, alone with my dark thoughts and have no motivation to do better. Uuggghhh i hate it here 🥴🥴🥴
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