Mindless rambles and ranting about friends and stuff i guess
Hi im new here and lately these past weeks felt tiring, not rlly tiring as wanting to sleep but like no motivation type. Idk it just feels like im just living?? That sounded wrong but like I just been feeling rlly numb, i talk to my friends and be rlly chaotic and extroverted but afterwards i kinda cringe at my behavior and i sometimes think i fake it since it's what people expect to me to be. Happy and silly. But idk how to put it I rlly just want to be alot most of the time. My friends sees me as loud and eccentric. But once im alone im just quiet and numb i guess?? Sometimes i want to leave all my friends because i dont think i can hold a friendship up until a year or two it depends if we're classmates. I think to myself that they'll get tired of me and drop our friendship, so I'm kinda doing that. I deliberately ignore my friends because I also got bored of them. I have a friend (who is my ex but i broke up with her since i lost feelings and didnt want to lie to her) told me that she still liked me and dont see her life without me in it. And tbh i was so ready to end our friendship there because wtff me?? You cant see your life without me?? (Maybe i have some commitment issues idk) but I didnt told her that but i did told her that i didnt reciprocate her feelings and she is very understanding of that (she is the nicest i swear she deserves someone better then me to date) and i just i dont know. I feel like i can live without friends. I can function without making friends, friends are nice but they all leave eventually so why cling to them? I dont know i just wanna be alone. I dont eat much these days because i feel so lazy. I havent done any work yet and ive been thinking of ending myself alot, but you know why cant i be happy? I can buy stuff i want and i am rlly happy whenever i dress up in aesthetic wear and do makeup, and feel like all my problems are nothing and im the queen of my world. But it always come back to this. Feeling unmotivated, alone with my dark thoughts and have no motivation to do better. Uuggghhh i hate it here 🥴🥴🥴
If youd like to talk give me a message dude, I get how you feel. Sometimes everything just feels bland and monotonous, maybe you need a friend who doesn't expect you to be so extraverted? And as for food please take care of yourself, think of your body as a game avatar maybe, it helps me. Maybe if you buy some quick food like instant pasta and some healthy stuff like fruits and stuff you'd feel more motivated to eat since it isn't a hassle. Do you have any favourite foods? Buy them! As difficult as it is motivate yourself, try make cooking fun or eating fun, try new things and a but of spice and see how much you can handle! Good luck with everything friend and feel free to chat!
I understand you completely man, I keep my circle dummy small because I’m not even a social person to begin with, my small amount of friends are saints who just want the best for me but sometimes I push them away because I feel as if no matter how much I explain they’ll never understand what I’m going through and just like you they see me as a happy guy sure they know I deal with depression and have episodes but they don’t know the level of stress I deal with daily and for some reason I keep that info to myself, at the end of the day I don’t talk about my emotions and let them bottle up I feel as if no one could understand my struggle, untill I got on this app and realized there are thousands of people dealing with the same thing as me, I know you feel as if friends are temporary and to an extent that’s completely true but you gotta know they care about you and your well being in sure you have one or two diehard friends, and if not the ex you speak of would be a perfect candidate I understand your feelings on that completely I have issues with relationships constantly it sounds like she still really cares for you I onow you don’t feel the same way she does about you but maybe try explaining your situation to her? I know that kinda contradicts what I said earlier but it doesn’t hurt to try right? I’m not a licensed therapist or anything I’m just tryna give some insight if you wanna talk more about it feel free to text me!