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AllieCice
1 60 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2021 Member sinceSeptember 12, 2021
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My boyfriend's behaviour triggers my childhood traumas
Relationship Stress / by AllieCice
Last post
 September 21st, 2021
...See more Hi everyone, I'm new here and my name is Alice, nice to meet you all. I'm writing this because I've been in a relationship for almost three years now, and I'm seriously thinking of quitting because it's destroying me on a psychological level. Long story short, the main issue we have is that his behaviour triggers my childhood traumas. I'm an overthinker and I need words of explanation to stop me from thinking too much, while he's quiet and almost never says what he has on his mind. He loves me, I know, and he demonstrates it with his actions, which is amazing, if it wasn't for the fact that that's not enough, because sometimes I would love to hear him saying what he likes about me. Sometimes I feel taken for granted and like I'm not one of his priorities. When we argue he shuts up and this is destroying me, because I think and think and think and I get so angry on waiting that I just want to pack up and leave. He's always telling me that this is my problem, that I need to fix this, so I went in therapy for a year and I found out to have some childhood trauma that makes me feel unloved/unworthy. That helped for a little while, but eventually we went back to the start, with silence and overthinking. I tried to explain him that the only thing I need is communication when aguing, because that instantly stop my mind from thinking. I tried to get better at this but it's almost never enough. He is also cold when cuddling and kissing (he doesn't like it), while I'm more affectionate and fiery and I need that kind of love, so when I'm with him I never feel satisfied. In the last discussion I told him I need a break from this because I can't take it anymore, it's so painful every time. He told me to take this pause for learning how to not overthink when he is silent. My friends are suggesting me to leave him because they say he is blaming me for everything, while he's doing nothing to help me woth this. The say he's not the one for me, but I love him and when I see he's trying to get things better I want to give him one more chance. Deep down I now that this thing will never be completely right, but I'm trying to understand if solving this trauma of mine will solve everything in our relationship, knowing that these kind of traumas never go away completely. Please feel free to write your own thoughts about this. Thank you so much for listening.
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