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Amour007
2 17,920 M Progress Road 6
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts452 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes32 Current upvotes32 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2026 Member sinceJuly 17, 2016
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Ex-Muslim girl living abroad
Family & Caregivers / by Amour007
Last post
 November 24th, 2023
...See more I have left my country now for 6 years to live abroad and it has been a pretty bumpy road. I am even a bit afraid to post this as I have never opened up about this on the internet because some people can get very extreme regarding leaving a religion. Thing is, whatever I believed in back then was my own choice, wearing Hijab was my own choice (for personal reasons such as *trigger warning* sexual harassment). Since leaving home, i noticed that i actually don't need any of that to feel safe. I just did not feel like I needed religion the way i related to it back then. I was just never that much of a believer back then anyway, but my family did not take it good. Still to this day tells me that they pray I find god again and my own sister thinks I am a cheap girl for having a boyfriend and that I am a "sinner". She hurt me so much with her words since she knew that I live life differently now. I cried for night and developed a worse depression and chronic pain with all this cultural clash and family stress. But you know, I will never back down. I cannot live a life being unauthentic. I cannot just do things because otherwise someone might talk bad about me. I cannot live for others and I cannot make everyone happy. The price i am paying everyday is tough. My family relationship is not the best. I suffer from chronic pain and mental illness but I am so strong. I am only scared of my body failing me slowly. It already started doing that. Until when am I going to live alienated from my own culture? Why are people so intolerant of change?  It's crazy how a subject can cause so much alienation. I wish I could’ve learned religion in another way. Now i just hate it all together. Now i am just sour and have build so much resentment there is no going back.  I just want to be free, left in peace. I just want to be happy in my own way. I am not hurting anybody the way I live, why can't I just be myself? Why do I have to always live to an expectation? Why can't we just love each other unconditionally? 🥹 Is there anyone here that relates to this ? Please Let me know. I feel so lonely about it ! 😞 No one ever dares to talk about themselves leaving Islam because it is so frowned upon. 
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