Angelmythology Member Profile

...See more My mom is abusive. Always was since I was 4. She is an extremely storng amd capable woman who has faced many hardships in life. I love her a lot but I'm aafraid that she doesn't love me. I think all she that when she looks at me, all she sees is my father, his family and all the pain she had to go through because I was a girl. She is always irritated and angry and hits me brutally whenevershe feels like it in placed where it hurts the most but no one can see openly. She neverhurts me somewhereit is visible. She hates that I'm better at humanities and not science and always screams me to shut the heck up when she hits me, with or without any serious reason. Or she'll just stop talking or doing anything for me. I therefore have developed this weird habit of asking people when they're quiet if they're angry with me and just keep apologizing for every single thing even when it's not my fault probably, that people find unnecessary and annoying. I'm a people pleaser and suffer from emotional martyrdom and severe depression. She tried to choke me last week while she pinned me down. That was just too much. I keep seeing that scene over and over in my mind. I cry at every little thing she says now. Because all I can see is her with her hands on my throat, squeezing. I just want to be loved and understood so very badly. But I have no real friends and am alone in this world with a place that I can only call "Home" for the sake of it. It's not my home. I never want to go back but I have to live in this *** on the earth until I'm financially independent.

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