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AngerHazelhurst
63 M Embraced
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2023 Member sinceJanuary 27, 2023
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Hoarding food and not eating it
Eating Disorder Support / by AngerHazelhurst
Last post
 January 27th, 2023
...See more Sorry In advanced it’s a little lengthy Growing up I sometimes stayed with my dad and he didn’t feed me and my siblings. He would leave early in the morning and get home late while we were both under the age of 10. There would be no food in the house or it would be spoiled. Until recently me and my sibling didn’t realize how much of an effect this had on us. the hard part was really are step mom, she would police everything we ate and fly of the handle at any point if she saw us eating. One bowl of cereal a day if we were allowed, no snacks at all unless handed to us and that was one a day. We got no request for food, they made/ bought food for themselves and maybe got us some. Sometimes they would even make singular meals or buy singular meals for themselves. It was Bad but manageable when we were younger. but once We got to about 10 if she saw us eating any groceries we would get yelled at. She would buy something say we can’t have it and it will still be there untouched when we come back months later. She straight up just bought a mini fridge for her room and just brought the groceries into there. And they would both leave from morning and come at night. my older sibling just stopped coming and stayed with her mom, so I was alone, it dawned on me that it was bad when I literally stressed over opening a box of club crackers. I anxiously watched for a week to see if anyone touched them obsessively checking hem. And I nearly cried from happiness when I realized no one paid them mind. I hid the unopened boxed and rationed them off. That was my best memeory from that summe. As a much older teenager 18 my eating habits are now horrible. I could be starving and my body with physically stop me from finishing a meal. Because at their house we use to sneak and hide food. Always saving it for later because we didn’t know when we could eat next. There was a time where for 3 or so months I didn’t eat any meals because the thought of eating made me so nauseous and I lived off of club crackers. Where I ended up losing 10 pounds making me underweight again. I am naturally underweight with a fast metabolism and this isn’t helping. My whole body always hurts and I feel like I’m slowly fading away because I just can’t eat. at my moms house I don’t have worry about this I always have fresh food, new meals, and options. But this doesn’t seem like enough for my body to relax. I get nauseous easy, and sometimes it seems like my survival instincts to save good hide behind my Tactile sensitivity so it feels like I can’t eat it. I’m just so hungry and I’m always in pain and I just want to at and I’m mad because I’m out of it and I Have food and I still can’t eat it.
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